Sunday, September 09, 2007


Well, the weekend has come and gone. It went by way to fast. It was a flurry of activity. Going down town with my hubby and Anna. Meeting friends for dinner. Teaching Sunday School for the first time ever and joining the choir. Anna did great in the nursery woo hoo. My poor hubby spent most of yesterday afternoon and all of today, well after church, doing homework.

Sometimes, when I am at church I feel like such a phoney. I am a Christian I can tell you all about coming to the Lord. It was a very magical moment for me really. I was in our church back home and I believe it was during revival, not sure. I was standing there and I was holding on to the pew in front of me so tight I had white knuckles. Then all of a sudden I realized I was walking down the isle. I don't even remember stepping out. I was 16 I think, maybe 15. OK so my memory isn't clear lol. But it is all there. I began my journey that day.

It has been a good journey for the most part.

I have had my good moments. I was in the hospital with my MIL after she had surgery and her nurse was a girl that had gone to my church. She was a youth and I was a young adult helping the youth. She said she would never ever forget me because when she was ready to make that leap of faith I was there to hold her hand and go with her. I don't really remember that day but it makes me feel good that I had such an impact on her life.

I have had my bad moments. You know the missed chances of sharing your belief with someone. Saying bad words or having bad thoughts. Doing bad things, knowing they are wrong and doing it anyway. These are the things that make me feel like a phoney. These are the things that make me feel unworthy of sharing the Lord. Today our preacher was going over our plan for the church for the next 5 years. He said that we all needed to be above reproach making the best example possible. I know that if someone looked at my life and saw some of the things I have done they would think, humph and she's a Christian? I have screwed up and I have done things I am not proud of. However, I have confessed these things to the Lord and I have begged for forgiveness. I believe that we do need to strive to be in God's image but we need to allow each other to make mistakes. We need to forgive ourselves and each other. We need to expect mistakes but how we handle the mistakes makes the difference. Maybe that is what the preacher was talking about. I mean God knows none of us are perfect, it is impossible to be perfect. So maybe it is how we handle our screw ups, our personal failures that will make us above reproach.

I have held onto anger and bitterness towards my Mother. That is one of my issues. I don't feel like I am really holding onto it much anymore but a part of me does. A part of me feels like it is impossible to get over it. It goes back so far that it just seems to be a part of me. The Bible says to honor your father and mother. I haven't done that for a long time. I honestly don't know that I will ever be able to do that. I will start praying about it though. I can't do it alone but with the Lord's help I can. I have to be willing to really mean it and open my heart to it and let me tell you that is the hard part. I have other issues that I won't go into lol cause, well some things are just private, right? Just say a passing prayer for me if you have a spare second. Thank you!!!

I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me. ~ Philippians 4:13

1 comment:

  1. I found you because of Tiny Talk, but enjoyed this post.

    Very honest. Isn't blogging the best therapy?

    I'm teaching Sunday School for the 1st time as well - may we learn as much as we teach. :)


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