Monday, September 05, 2022

Grief sucks!

Some days I feel like I am beginning to feel "normal" such as it is and everything will be ok. Other times I feel like a wave has crashed over me and I can't seem to find my breath. I do know that this too shall pass and ultimately I am ok. I also know that grief sucks! It doesn't just magically go away at the 6-month mark or 1-year mark. I have heard grief described as the ocean. Sometimes you are in between the waves and sometimes the waves are crashing over you. I feel like that is the best description of grief that I have seen. 

A few weeks ago I had my birthday. I have always loved my birthday and would celebrate as much of the month as I could, lol. Of course, now I have to share the month with my daughter, but she was the best gift ever! Anyway, this year was the first year that I didn't have my parents or at least one of them call me and sing me "Happy Birthday". I don't know why that hit me so hard but it really did. One of the highlights of my day was always Mom singing off key and Dad singing as loud and proud and goofy as he could. It hit me I will never get that again! Honestly, my birthday was rough! I am blessed with great co-workers, friends, family, and an amazing daughter and husband. They all worked very hard to help me feel special, appreciated, and loved! Don't ever take for granted the love of your parents! Soak in those moments and make memories because you don't know when your last will be. 

I feel like I should add I do have some of the best in-laws too! My Mother-in-law never fails to find the perfect card to make me laugh. She has a way of knowing what I need a lot of the time! My Sister-in-law is the absolute best! She is the sister that I never had and didn't realize I needed! I cherish these relationships! 

When I am under the wave and can't find my way out I try to remember the people that love me, need me, and, want me! I also remind myself of this verse!


I am not walking through this grief alone! My God is walking with me. Sometimes He is in front of me (leading the way), sometimes beside me (holding my hand and encouraging me as I go), and other times behind me (probably shoving me through). I honestly don't know how someone would get through the mountains of emotions we call grief without knowing God! 

I will continue my journey each day with a prayer and trust that God is in control even when things feel out of control! I will look for joy in my journey and always look for the good around me! I will not think of my grief as a problem to solve. I will look at it as a blessing because without great love, I wouldn't have such deep grief!



Leave me an encouraging scripture in the comments or in the form on the side! I love seeing what verses lift others when they are down!



Monday, August 29, 2022

Japanese Yumminess!

I love Japanese food! (Well, some of it.) My favorite is hibachi chicken or hibachi steak and of course fried rice! My family prefers chicken, so my daughter and I have been trying to perfect the recipe. I will share the full recipe for chicken hibachi, hibachi vegetables, and fried rice. I will give you the recipes and then I will follow it with a step-by-step with pictures and tips! 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Chicken- 
2 -3 chicken breasts (chopped into bite-size pieces) 
1 tbsp vegetable oil 
1/2 tsp sesame seed oil 
1.5 tbsp butter (real butter) 
3 tbsp soy sauce (I use the light most of the time) 
2 tsp lemon juice (I use the real lemon in the bottle) 
salt and pepper to taste 

 Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and sesame oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the chicken, 3 tbsp of soy sauce, 1.5 tbsp of butter, 2 tsp of lemon juice, and salt and pepper. Saute the chicken for 6-8 minutes or until no longer pink. Set the chicken and remaining juice aside in a bowl. At the same time that you cook the chicken, you can be cooking the veggies. 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Vegetables- 
1 tbsp vegetable oil 
1/2 tsp sesame seed oil 
1 large white onion 
 2-3 zucchini 
1 tbsp butter 
2 tbsp soy sauce 
salt and pepper to taste 

Dice the white onion. The zucchini can be quartered or cut into circles. We did circles this time, and last time we quartered them. Both ways will work. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the white onion, zucchini, 1 tbsp of butter, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, salt ad pepper. Saute veggies until veggies are tender (maybe 10-12 minutes). 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Fried Rice- 
 6 cups cooked rice (cold) 
2 tbsp vegetable oil 
1/2 cup white onion (Finely chopped)
1/2 tsp garlic 
1 large egg 
4 tbsp butter 
4 tbsp soy sauce 

Heat 2 tbsp of vegetable oil on medium/high heat in the pan where you prepared the chicken. Add the onion and saute for 3-4 minutes. Add garlic (roughly 1/2 tsp) after the onions have cooked for a minute or 2. Move the onions to one side of the pan when they are tender and translucent. Add the egg (you can do 2 if you prefer more) and scramble them as you add them to the skillet Once scrambled add 4 tbsp of butter and then the rice. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add 4 tbsp soy sauce and continue to cook for an additional minute. Add 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil. Give it a good toss. I typically like to add the chicken and the leftover juice into the pot with the rice. You don't have to add the chicken, you can have it on the side but taste the rice to see if you need to add more soy sauce. 

Now for the step-by-step and additional tips. Prep all of your veggies and chicken, and gather your ingredients before you start. The prep work will help with the timing and ease of cooking! Trust me, I am ALL about easy work!

So the first thing you will do is chop/dice your zucchini and onions. You can of course add more veggies to your rice. If you want to add peas or carrots or whatever just make sure those are ready.

Now cut your chicken into bite sizes. The smaller the bite the faster it cooks. Do better than me and cut them all the same size or close to it. 


Now the chicken and vegetables can cook at the same time. 

I start my chicken and then the veggies. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and sesame oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the chicken, 3 tbsp of soy sauce, 1.5 tbsp of butter, 2 tsp of lemon juice, and salt and pepper. Saute the chicken for 6-8 minutes or until no longer pink. If you have a meat thermometer, you can check to make sure they are 165 in the center. Set the chicken and remaining juice aside in a bowl. 

After you get the chicken started move to the vegetables. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the white onion, zucchini, 1 tbsp of butter, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, salt ad pepper. Saute veggies until veggies are tender (maybe 10-12 minutes). I do tend to let mine cook the rest of the time I cook. My family likes them really tender. Next time I make this, I am going to add some mushrooms! 

The most important note to make about the rice is to make it well in advance. I make it the night before I plan to make this dish. I add the butter and salt when I cook it, just as if it was going with dinner that night. 

 It needs to be cold, not just room temp. Cook it at a higher temp than your other dishes. You will have to stir it often! 

 Heat 2 tbsp of vegetable oil on medium/high heat in the pan where you prepared the chicken. Add the onion and saute for 3-4 minutes. Add garlic (roughly 1/2 tsp) after the onions have cooked for a minute or 2. Move the onions to one side of the pan when they are tender and translucent. Add the egg (you can do 2 if you prefer more) and scramble them as you add them to the skillet Once scrambled add 4 tbsp of butter and then the rice. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add 4 tbsp soy sauce and continue to cook for an additional minute. Add 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil. Give it a good toss. Now I typically like to add the chicken and the leftover juice into the pot with the rice. You don't have to add the chicken, you can have it on the side but taste the rice to see if you need to add more soy sauce. 

Sesame seed oil is kind of strong. Don't get to heavy handed with it. It does add great flavor though, so don't leave it out! Oh, and don't forget the yum yum sauce. You can get it at the grocery store. I get the spicy and original. 



I hope your family will enjoy this as much as mine! If you have any suggestions on how to make it better, please share them in the comments!

PS Picture creds go to my amazing daughter! Thanks Anna for taking pictures for me!

Monday, August 22, 2022

Dear Younger Me

Dear 17-year-old Candi,


Wow, I can't believe you are turning 49 in just a few days! Where did the time go, seriously!?! 


The first thing I want you to know is time will start flying by (just like your parents said - believe them!) Because time really does go by quickly I want you to live in the moment! Stop worrying about tomorrow or regretting things in the past! Live for today and enjoy where you are at all times! Even the bad days will have some good mixed in them. Be sure to look for the good in all situations. We don't usually have trouble with that but there are times when we get bogged down in the bad and can't find our way out. 


Another IMPORTANT bit of advice for you is do NOT be afraid to ask for help. If you are overwhelmed talk to someone! So many times we bottle things up and think we can fix them or change them by ourselves and trust me it is much easier if you share the burden. 


Marriage: It is a beautiful part of life but it is no walk in the park! Marriage is hard! However, it is worth the effort! Put in the work. Open up more, learn to communicate, and learn to actively listen! Trust your spouse to be your partner in life and lean on him when things get hard! Also be there for him when he is struggling! I can guarantee you will not give or receive 100% all the time. As long as you both push yourself to give as much as you possibly can,  and you are giving each other grace when you can't give as much as usual, you will make it!

Children: I know you want to be a mom more than anything. Be patient! Your time will come. It will just not be as soon as you would like. Trust that God has a plan and a reason for that plan. When you have a precious baby love every moment! Don't get distracted by life and things around you. Stay in the moment. Even the terrible 3's have moments you want to hold on to. Every stage has something incredible to experience. Every stage has something you are going to look back on and miss. You won't even realize it but suddenly you will wonder when the last time you did _____ was. You will wonder why you didn't know it was the last time you were going to do ____ so you could savor the moment. 


Aging Parents: Your parents are not as young as they use to be. They will not be around forever. Don't let the past keep you from building and repairing your relationships with them. Your parents love you even when they don't know how to show it. They love you even when you don't feel like they do! You are loved and they want what is best for you. Let the bad go and focus on the good. Don't wait for them to get sickly to start mending fences! Spend as much time with them as you can. Time is something you won't regret.


Aging ME: Again, I can't believe I am turning 49! Love yourself through the good and bad. Give yourself grace when you don't do what you should but push yourself to do better. If you stick with something long enough it will get easier. STOP drinking soda! Just don't do it!!! When you get Covid don't sit still and get pneumonia. Your feet will never be the same after Covid, or at least not a year later! Get in shape before you get there because it just gets harder! Always love yourself! You are beautiful! You are smart! You are worth it!

Enjoy your life! It is a good life. You will have some good adventures and make some great memories. Love God, love people, think before you react, and always choose things that bring you peace and joy! Buckle up buttercup it will be a bumpy ride!


Love Always,

Older Candace


What would you tell your younger or older self?

Sunday, August 21, 2022

Life is what happens when you are making plans!

 When I was younger, I loved to make plans. I loved daydreaming about where I would be in 5 years or 10 years. Where would we be living, what would would my daughter be like, etc... What I didn't realize was that while I was daydreaming, planning, and working towards my goals life was passing. Here I am, almost 50 and some days I wonder where the time went! 


So here I am, I blinked, and I suddenly have a 17 year old daughter. I've been married for 26 years to my high school sweetheart. My daughter, Anna, is a homeschooling Senior this year. We love spending time together as a family. I am a Church Secretary, and I love spending time with our youth at the church. I like to say that I felt the call to work with teenagers and to be a missionary. I did neither, except now I lead a mission team to WV typically once a year and volunteer with the youth a lot. At least I did until my Dad passed away from lung cancer in November 2020. My Mom then passed away in February 2022. Mom's cause of death is listed as covid, but it was really a broken heart mixed with heart problems, kidney problems, and a whole host of other issues. Since they have passed, I have struggled with finding who I am as an orphan. I can't even describe it any other way. I have extended family, but all of my immediate family is gone. I lost my brother when I was about 20 and now my parents...

I am finally getting to the point where I can breathe and feel somewhat normal in my own skin. I find joy in hanging out with my daughter. I find joy in spending time with my husband. I find joy watching birds enjoying our feeders and bird bath. I find joy in my God! This is one of my favorite verses and has been for a while. I love knowing that no matter what I am going through God is with me!


I am hoping this journal, if you will, will help me find myself and who I am today. Feel free to introduce yourself to me. Let me know if there is anything I can pray for you about. Thanks for joining me on this journey.