Wednesday, September 30, 2009
Monday, September 14, 2009
I have been a Christian since I was 15 years old. My parents started taking me to church when I was in 10th grade and I loved it instantly. The people were great and having a higher purpose was wonderful. For some reason when you are 15 it is easy to hear God but then as you grow older it is like you turn the volume down (or at least for me!) I am now 36 years old and finally I feel like I can hear God and this time I am really listening! I don't know what all He has in store for me but I am trusting in Him to show me the way. This week I had 3 visitors in my Sunday School class and I was so excited! It felt kinda like a reward for stepping up and doing what the Lord asked of me.
I am excited to finally feel like I am listening and acting on what He wants me to do. I feel like I am finally getting onto the right road after being lost and confused forever! It is almost like being on vacation, really! lol I have been trying to take Jesus where I wanted to go and lets just say He isn't someone that you can easily push along! Now that I am letting Him drive, I can kick back, take in the scenery, and let Him show me the way. Saying all of that doesn't mean that I am not doing anything. I think I am doing more now than I have in a long time but when He is driving it seems so much easier. I am drawing closer to Him through reading His word more often (I can't say daily yet) and praying more often and listening for Him. Sometimes He just wants us to be still and listen. I didn't think about that very much until recently (no wonder I couldn't hear him!) When is the last time you were still? I know it is hard to find time but sometimes you have to make the time and it is SO WORTH IT!!!
Friday, September 04, 2009
She cried and cried! All the way to school she begged me to take her home. I knew if I did take her home that battle would have been lost but the urge to turn that car around was SO strong! I continued down the road and we made it to school. She really started carrying on when we got there and I did our normal routine. I helped her get her stuff up and gave her a hug. I told her I had to go and I practically ran out the door cause the tears were coming down. It breaks my heart that this is so hard on her. I keep asking myself if it is something that I have done that made her need me so much. There is only one other little boy in the class having the same problem that Anna is having. So what causes this problem? What makes one child cry when they are going to school and another delight in it? The only thing that I can see that I have done that would have created this is the fact that she has been with me pretty much all the time. I mean I leave her with a friend every now and again and she goes to church to her class with no problem. But she has never been in daycare and I don't think I would change that just to have her go to school without crying. As a mom I know it is natural to question how we raise our children. To constantly wonder if we are ruining our childs life. Are they going to need therapy because of me? Seriously, all I know is that I can do the best I can and leave the rest up to God. I was listening to this radio program one day and it said something like: You can do better than your parents because you can learn from their mistakes, you can do the best as you see it but then you also have to pray regularly for God to make up for your mistakes to fill in the gaps so to speak. There is NO SUCH THING AS A PERFECT PARENT except for Our Father God! Don't try to be and don't claim to be but lean on Him to heal you and your child from your mistakes! I guess through my attentitiveness with Anna I haven't taught her the independance that she needs to get through this week but I know with my prayers she will make it through. I am going to hold onto that thought with both hands.
30 As for God, his way is perfect;
the word of the LORD is flawless.
He is a shield
for all who take refuge in him.
Thursday, September 03, 2009
We are on day 4 of this school thing. I am adjusting although I am not getting into a groove yet. Today we got there and Anna was not happy. She didn't want to stay and she was on the verge of tears. It broke my heart. Last night she tossed and turned and cried all through the night. I don't think she was awake for any of it. That broke my heart too. I like to think it is just because she is worn out! She seems to be making a few friends at school. She doesn't really talk much about what is going on but she seems happy when I pick her up.
Now about me! I am having to adjust to a quiet house. I think that is why I am not staying home so much. The house is TOO quiet! I feel like something is missing, ya know. I am going to have to come up with a game plan and work on that. Maybe next week I can figure it out.
Yesterday, I went to pick out our Small Group stuff! We are going to do The Love Dare. I am super excited about it. I haven't talked about it much on here but Chris and I have gone through a very rough patch. We are now on the way to happier days but I am hoping that this group can help make it even better! Every marriage has ups and downs! If we didn't have the downs we wouldn't appreciate the ups! The Love Dare teaches us how to reconnect and think about the other person, how to treat the other person etc. It is all Bible based and it is supposed to be wonderful for all couples. Whether, you are in good times or bad because you never know when the bad might hit you. It is better to be prepared and now how to deal with things. If you are interested you can watch the movie Fireproof! It has that cutie pie Kirk Cameron (my how I loved him when I was growing up, lol) in it.
I am in a season of change, as is Anna. We will come out on top because we are fighters and because we have the support of family, friends and most of all Our Jesus! I am trying to really rely on Him more! I am trying to listen to Him! I want to grow and learn and be the person that He intended.
2 Samuel 22:33
33 It is God who arms me with strength and makes my way perfect.
Tuesday, September 01, 2009
Yesterday my baby started in pre-k! I was worried about how it was going to go for her (and me lol.) Here is how it went:
Sunday night we were talking about it on and off and laying in bed I told her it was ok to be scared! I told her that I use to go to school and it is lots of fun! She asked me in a quiet little voice "were you scared"? I told her that yes I was scared but I made friends and started learning some neat stuff and I felt better. I told her that most people are scared when they do something new, you just have to make sure you don't let those feelings keep you from having fun and adjusting. She didn't really say anything and fell to sleep soon after that.
We woke up bright and early and I packed her lunch. I came to get her out of the bed and I told her how the morning would play out. We were going to drive her to school and help her put her things away and then we would have to leave. She started crying and saying she wanted to go with me. It broke my heart, of course! We have been reading a book called The Kissing Hand. So I reminded her of it and gave her a kissing hand (well 2 really) and kissing feet and kissing knees and a kissing belly! I told her I wanted to be sure she could find a kiss if she needed it. Well by that time she was giggling and smiling so we went and had breakfast and finished getting ready.
In the car, we went through again how proud we are of her and wonderful school was going to be for etc. Then her and her Daddy sang a song for the rest of the trip. We walked into the school and took her to her class. We helped her put her things up and I said OK baby we have to go now. She said ok, waved and said bye! I, of course, was trying to hold back the tears. I looked back through the window and Anna was waiting to find a chair and she was chewing on her little fingers. She was nervous and scared but she was such a big girl!!!
Today, she attempted to see if she could stay with me but she didn't try as hard as she did yesterday. She went into her class and didn't cry again! I couldn't be prouder. Maybe by the end of the week she will actually enjoy going (one can pray for it anyway!)