What was I thinking?

I totally jinxed myself! I was talking about how smoothly our sleep transition has been so far. Ha!!! That is almost all I can say. If I were anyone else that would be about it lol. I am however never short on words or at least very rarely. Tonight We did our bed time prayer and she climbed into bed. I though YES we are there!!! Ha!!! She scooted to the bottom of the bed and said "you get in your spot". I explained to her that I wasn't that I was going into the living room. I would sit in the yellow chair so that she could still see me. She started screaming hysterically. I loved on her and told her I had too. I proceeded to leave the room saying I would come check on her soon. 5 minutes later she sounds like she is about to be sick she has cried so hard. I go in and I can't hear myself talk over the screaming so I tell her that when she settles down I will come back in. Hmm, about 10 minutes I guess she finally settled down. It felt more like a life time. I went back in there and her shirt was drenched from her crying. We get her shirt changed. I tell her that I love her so very much. That she was the greatest gift God could ever give me. That I feel that she has given me so much more than I can ever give her. All I can do is love her with all of my heart and soul and take care of her like I think she needs. I think we need this! I said you know I love you, right? She nodded her head. I said you have made me so proud the past few nights. I need you to do it again. I explained that I would be going to the living room and she could see me in the chair. She said but Mommy stay in her, lay down with me. That very moment I wanted to cave. I thought is this really worth it? Do we HAVE to do this now? She is still really just a baby. Then I thought about how far we have come in just a few days. I thought about having to start over one day down the road. So I kissed her and told her that I couldn't. I came back to the living room and she can see me from her pillow. She is laying there right now watching me as I type this. Every time I look her way to check on her she waves at me. It would be so very easy to go in there and snuggle up.

Tell me what you think. Is it going to be worth it? Should I not force it and enjoy these snuggles as long as she lets me? Why do we feel compelled to rush them through childhood? Why can't we hold on tight and keep them small as long as possible? Would it be so terrible if they depended on us for a while longer? Is there a way to pause time and or slow it down and cherish every moment a little longer?

I read other Moms in the bloggy world that are trying to speed up time. Trust me I have my moments for that too but right now I just want to stop time. I want to remember every smell, taste, sight, feeling and sound. The smell of sweaty hair after running around in the back yard. The taste of the food that she wants to "feed" me. The sight of her having the time of her life in the pool. Learning how to jump off the side of the wall without holding onto my hands. Without me even right there with her. The feeling of her wrapping her arms around my neck for a hug. The feeling of her reaching up and grabbing my hand. Not because we are in a parking lot but just because she wants to be connected to me. The feeling of her sleeping on me because she woke up from her nap a little to early. The sound of her giggling when I do something silly. The sound of her voice when she is being all sweet and loving. The sound of her singing with me.

Sorry I totally got off topic lol. To finish the sleeping thing she is finally asleep. I hope tomorrow night is easier!