Monday, June 11, 2007

Musings about Motherhood!

Why is it that my relationship with my Mother is so messed up? My Mother hasn't felt like my Mom in so long I can't remember when it was. I never thought about the difference between the two until we started having our issues. We had it out on instant message last night. I am not sure how things have escalated to the point that they have. I know that I have done my share to screw things up but apparently I am totally to blame for it all! That is neither here nor there. Lets suffice it to say my Mother and I will not be spending time together for a long time.

Now I am left wondering, am I going to do the same thing to Anna? Am I going to make her feel so unimportant, incompetent and ugly inside and out? I am sure when I was Anna's age my Mother didn't think she would do those things to me. I am trying to find a way to get things straight in my mind the dos and don'ts of mothering. I am currently trying to work on my self-image because I don't want Anna to grow up thinking she is to fat, to ugly or to plain even when she is perfect. I want her to see confidence and beauty in herself so that has to begin with me. I don't want to pass on my doubt and fear. I am also trying to remind myself that I am a lovable person. This one is harder than the self-image. I mean honestly, I am overweight but I still have some cute qualities about myself. I have great hair, my eyes are like melted chocolate and a cute little button nose. The lovable part not so easy. The way I see it if my own Mother doesn't seem to love me then I must be defective. I know in my head that is totally not true but my heart can't get it right.

So I will start a list of Dos and Don'ts and if anyone has anything to add please do so.

  • love your child unconditionally
  • discipline with love
  • spend quality time with your child
  • encourage
  • teach (in a fun manner if possible)
  • be patient (this one is one of the hardest for me lol)
  • set a good example (teach by doing) including a healthy self image
  • give lots of hugs and kisses and I love yous

  • be hateful
  • speak in anger
  • discourage
  • ignore or put in front of a tv all day
  • do as I say not as I do

Thank you for reading my vent. I want to be a Mom not a Mother! I will be a Mom!!!

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