Thank you plus a challenge!

I was overwhelmed with the love and support after my last post. I wish you could see my facebook responses on here but you can't. Most of us have lost someone special to us at one time or another. I don't intend to keep dwelling on it because that is not how I deal with things. I am the queen of denial. You know forge ahead as if nothing is wrong. If you tell yourself something often enough you will eventually believe it, right?

That really goes both ways. If you tell yourself something bad over and over. "I look terrible" is a good example! Eventually you believe it and if someone says how beautiful you are you don't believe them. I am going to try a little experiment over the next month. I am going to tell myself something positive. The same thing over and over every day and see if I come any closer to believing it! Do you think it will work? My self-esteem is not the best, so this should be fun to see. Maybe I will even try it out on Chris and see how it works if you compliment someone each day with the same thing if they can start to perceive themselves in a different manner.

You are so BEAUTIFUL!!!

Does anyone want to join me in my challenge? If you do please let me know how it goes!!!

Prayer and Angels

Last Wednesday night our preacher talked about prayer. How there is a right spirit that you need to pray with to have God really hear you. I mean we could pray all day long for a Jaguar and well that is not going to be at the top of God's priority list ya know. It reminded me of the time that Chris and I spent at Ridgecrest. Our transportation was Chris's OLD truck. It was a great truck but well it was old. One day we left Ridgecrest to go to Ashville to eat or something and we had a problem. I can't remember if we prayed together but I know I was praying. Praying that 1) we could make it somewhere 2) we could find someone that could help us! We barely got out of Ridgecrest and we coasted up to a couple of old guys hanging out selling veggies and fruits. They checked out the truck and told us just what we needed and then went to get it for us. They said they were out there ALL the time but Chris and I never saw them before or after! They were a Godsend. An answer to our prayers! They didn't even let us pay them for the part and we were pretty broke so that was another Godsend. Our very own angels!!!

Prayers are answered every day. Yes, no or not now those are the answers that we get. We don't always have such a wonderful story to tell. They may be answered by a friend calling when we need someone or a positive pregnancy test that you have been waiting so anxiously for or by a new job that you needed or wanted desperately. Whatever it is you can be sure that God had His hand in it. Sometimes I like to do things with/for Anna and make her think that she has done it all by herself I like to think God is the same way. He decides when we are ready for something and then He will make it happen and often times we forget to thank Him because we think we did it ourselves!

Thank you God for always being in charge of my world! Thank you for all of the blessings you bestow on me! Thank you for loving me enough to forgive me of ALL my sins and helping me repair my life!

Tribute to soldiers and their families!

I had the privilege of experiencing the most amazing moment yesterday! A friend of ours from church was returning from his tour overseas. His family couldn't be here to greet him so his church family went in their place. It really was a privilege to be around these men and women that give up so very much for our freedom. I never realized or wanted to see how much these people sacrifice for the rest of us. Yesterday, I could not NOT see it. All around me were family members waiting with baited breathe for their soldiers. Including small infants that had probably never met their Daddy's. Toddlers that didn't really remember their Daddy's. Small children that were unsure of what to say or do with their Mom or Dad that had been away for over a year. Spouse's that were almost in tears because they were so excited to have their other half brought back home to them safe and sound. Parents that couldn't believe their baby was finally coming home. They probably saw a little kid standing in front of them wearing dress up clothes. There were also grandparents, cousins, aunts and uncles, siblings and friends that were so excited to welcome home someone that was so important in their lives but had been missing for over a year. The moment they released the guys from formation I was almost in tears watching everyone swarm to that one person. The hugs and kisses and gentle touches. Making sure they were indeed in one piece. They were definitely real and actually HERE.

We found our friend Jason looking around. He didn't know who would be there for him. He knew his wife had tried to set up someone coming to get him. She told him to look for me that I would definitely be there. I know that he was disappointed not to have his family there to greet him, even though he knows that it wasn't possible. I also know he was relieved to have people there excited about seeing him. People that think he is important and are glad he made it home.

My brother was a marine. He was in Dessert Storm. I can't help but feel terrible now that there was no one there to meet him when he came home. I was so young. I was in my late teens or early twenty's and I didn't think anything of it at the time. Now I realize what a let down it must have been for him. Did it run through his head that he wasn't important enough for us to be there? Did he realize that it was probably a money thing as to why we didn't go. If he were alive I would ask him these questions. I would really give almost anything to be able to do that. Instead I will have to wait until I meet him again in Heaven. I didn't appreciate his sacrifices and his feelings when he was alive.

Now I hope that I can at least make that up by realizing and appreciating what these people do for us. What they give up so that we can have all of the freedoms we have. We take so many things for granted these days. Or at least I should say I do. For our rights they give up the right to be a part of the daily moments with their children, spouses and other family. They give up a lot of Christmas's, birthdays and other holidays and special occasions. As if that isn't enough they give up moments like the birth of a child, first steps and words and other moments that can never come back. Spouse's sacrifice a lot too. They kind of get neglected sometimes because they look just like you and me. They are the ones that are raising their children alone because their spouse is over seas for us. They are the ones that have to go through labor either alone or with a family member if they are lucky. They are the ones that have to hold their child's hand and tell them that their Mommy or Daddy will be coming home, all the while they are wondering if they really will. They are the ones that feel lost sometimes, overwhelmed and alone others. If anyone in the military or a military spouse is reading this THANK YOU for all you have given up!

My heartfelt thanks!!!

Thank you so much for all of the words of wisdom and encouragement you all shared with me. I don't know what I am going to do at this point other than continue to pray about it. I am not ready to make that first move yet lol.

Anonymous - Thank you for sharing your thoughts. Everything you said rings true. I think in the past it never worked because we both weren't ready. The next time I try it will be the final straw at least for a long time. Hopefully it will work out.

I am not doing it just for Anna. I am doing it for me. For at least being at peace with whatever happens. There is so much in my life right now in limbo that I need some action! I need to feel like I am actively trying to change things, ya know.

Lori - I feel sometimes that we are better off being seperate lol. I wonder if it really will be the best thing for Anna to bring them into her life. I want to start small and move from there.

Cheryl - My dear friend Cheryl, sometimes our lives seem to run so parrellel to each other it is scary. We share so many life experiences. I am glad you are around to offer up words of wisdom. When you said "I hope you find some peace in your heart if a reconciliation isn't possible. " That is what I truly want. Whatever happens I want peace. You are also right that I miss an ideal situation that never really existed. I am fortunate enough to be very close with my in-laws. I imagine having a good relationship with parents to be what I have with them except they would share the history of your childhood. Yes, I dream a lot lol. I shouldn't stress so much I am so fortunate to have the family that I have created. I just feel like I am missing something.

Reynie - What your sister says is true. You want to know without a shadow of a doubt that you have tried everything you could to mend those fences. Up until recently I felt that I had done that. I pretty much stopped talking to them unless they called me or occassionally we would run into each other at my Grandma's house. Now, like I said, God is just working on me. I feel like it is time to try again to work it out or just totally let it go. This halfway stuff just isn't getting it anymore.

Thanks again and thanks for adding me to your prayers! This is why I love blogging. I love being able to bring my heartaches here and get love back. You guys are the BEST!!!

Thank you Cheryl

& Cheyrl's Mom & Dad!!! Today I got to meet Cheryl's Mom and Dad. It was way cool. As her Mom said there are actually real people on the other side of the computer. They brought me this beautiful plant. Isn't it georgeous? I love the colors. Cheryl's Mom assured me that it is what Cheryl would have liked. Thank you all for the beautiful flowers! I will hang it on my back porch and think of Cheryl everytime I see it. Thank you Cheryl's Mom and Dad for taking the time to bring it to me and the trouble of finding my house. I am sorry I didn't find out your names lol. Although, I am sure you are used to being Cheryl's Mom and Dad! Anyway, thanks again and I hope you enjoy the rest of your trip!

Thank you!!!

Thank you guys for helping me know that I am not alone in my Mommy Woes! I am feeling better. I actually started feeling better after I typed it all out. Some how just writing things down helps to put them in perspective. That and the love of a good man and a wonderful daughter is definitely the best medicine a girl could ever ask for that is for sure.

We are having a party on Friday. A celebration just because. Anna wanted to have a party. She LOVES parties. So we are having Yia Yia and Pop and Aunt Casey over (they were coming for the weekend anyway) and we are having a dinner party. We will have spinach dip as an appetizer and Chicken Tettrizin (sp?) as our main course and cookies and a special surprise dessert if I can get it all done. We have some balloons and streamers and special plates. I am excited! It is also a thank you to them for all they have done for us. They have been there for us through so much and I want them to know we appreciate it all.

Celebrating 200+ Posts!

A little over a year ago I started this blog as a way to voice my thoughts. 200 posts later and I am totally addicted. Not only to writing here but to also reading others. I have been given an outlet to all different types of Moms that have been or are going through what I have been going through. I would like to say:

Thank You!!! For being here for me and with me through the good and the bad and the every day!