Inner Voices

Last night at Bible study, we were talking about our inner voice. Everyone has one, or at least I think they do lol. Mine can be loud and annoying, and a lot of times, she gives bad advice. 

I am a super positive person who loves to encourage others. Why is it that my inner voice is the polar opposite? She is snarky, belittling, and unforgiving. Someone said the most profound thing last night. She said, "if you wouldn't say it to your friend, why are you saying it to yourself?" Why do I allow that inner voice to be so mean to me? I need to have a reset! If my friends deserve grace, forgiveness, and time to heal, don't I? 

We can be SO hard on ourselves. Expecting so much more than humanly possible. My prayer is that the inner voice will be quiet and leave space for the Holy Spirit! I want to focus so much on God, His Word, His love for me, and His characteristics, that there will not be room for snarky and mean comments. 

More of You, God, and less of me! 

Fill me with Your Spirit and quiet that inner voice! Guide me, encourage me, and strengthen me! Draw me closer to You, Father!

Precious Moments

 When I was a teenager I had a Precious Moments Bible and a figurine or two.

The Bible was very much like this one.

Sometimes I think about that Bible and some of those "Precious Moments." Last night I got to have my very own precious moment! It would make the sweetest figurine. You see I work at my church. I am the Communications Director/Secretary plus I wear many other hats. You know "duties as assigned" lol. 

Last night was Wednesday night and we have Adult Bible Study and Awana's for the kids. I am basically a floater. I go where I am needed most. Occasionally, I get to go with the adults, although I don't get to do that often! Mostly, I go with 4 & 5 year olds or Middle Schoolers. Last night I was going with 4 & 5 year olds. I started with them and realized I forgot to put something in the adults class. I snuck out of a group activity and went to the adult class that starts 15 minutes after the kids. They had not started yet and no one was in the room. I wrote down what I needed to do and turned to leave. Some of my sweet friends walked in before I got to far. These are 3 of the sweetest ladies you will ever meet! Ms. Gail is my newest friend, she just brightens a room when she comes in. Ms. Ann is so much fun and never fails to make me giggle. And then we have sweet Ms. Beverly. That woman brings true meaning to #goals! She has been a warrior for God! She loves deeply and shares God's love everywhere. Really and truly I could say the same thing about all of them. But you see, I feel like I should really point them out about Ms. Bev because she has been struggling with her memory. I'm not sure if it is Alzheimer's or what, but she is struggling. The thing she doesn't struggle with is her sweet and spunky spirit. That is still the same.

I had left chaos of the kids and had just a moment with these 3 ladies. I was teasing Ms. Ann and Ms. Bev wanted to pass out hugs and kisses. She gave all of us ladies a nice and tight hug and at least 2 kisses on the cheek. So sweet! Then she decided that was not enough and we needed a group hug! This was the moment that qualifies as a precious moment. Here I am, a 51-year-old woman being hugged by ladies at least 20 years my senior and I just wanted to weep. It was so very precious! I felt like I could feel their calmness and strength pouring into me. I can't even tell you how. much I needed that brief moment in time! God is good! He uses us where we are, no matter what we are going through! 

My goal is to be as grounded and rooted in God as these 3 precious friends of mine! I want to allow God to use me even when I am struggling or hurting!

Thank You Lord for placing such sweet ladies in my life! And these aren't even all of them. I am truly a BLESSED woman! May I be a blessing to them and also to the other ladies in my life! May I spread Your love and grace like wild fire! Thank You Jesus for walking with me through this crazy world and for helping me find my way. In Jesus's Mighty and Precious Name - Amen

Bear's Grand Adventure

As promised, here is the tale of a terrible weekend in February 2024.

There were a lot of moving parts that weekend. We had gone to a concert and my Mother-in-law rented a car so we could all ride together. We had kenneled Bear for the night to see how he would do and needed to pick him up the next morning. So the next morning we divide and conquer. I go with my sister-in-law and Anna to pick up Bear. After we got him, we would go to Tractor Supply and give him a bath. Finally, we would pick Chris up at the car rental place when we were done.

We picked him up and found out he had done eh. He didn't like all the noise and he wasn't very happy. We continued on with our plan, though cause he needed a bath. We arrive at Tractor Supply and I scope out everything before we take him in. I text Anna, that they can come up, and they start walking towards me. Just as they get to the front door, a HUGE beautiful Black Mastiff steps out the door. Bear stopped and quickly started trying to retreat. He managed to retreat right out of his collar and headed towards our car. A guy started chasing him and Bear took off. There was absolutely nothing we could do to convince him to come back. (For the record the Mastiff behaved perfectly and did not provoke Bear in any way.)

The place where we were was on one of the busiest roads in the area. We were terrified! We tried to follow him, but he is fast, and well, I am not! We lost him pretty quickly and it was as if no one had seen where he went. Anna called Chris to tell him what happened, and had an anxiety attack. Chris couldn't understand what she was trying to say and was terrified. I took the phone and told him what was going on. He ended up catching a taxi to us and we drove around, went into stores, talked to anyone available, went to animal control, and called anyone we could think of. We even called our prayer warriors, because God cares about all of the things in our lives. Chris was determined to find our Bear! He did most of the leg work, while we drove around trying to determine which direction he went. It all began before noon and by 6 we were no closer than we had been. We stopped for dinner and we made some flyers to be printed out. We went back around to businesses to see if they would allow us to hang them. I had given my number to some people we talked to and Chris had given his out as well. It was dark and we were going home empty-handed. That was the longest night of my life!

The next morning, before sunrise, Chris was on his way back to the area. You see, the hardest part was knowing if we did not find him before about 3 that afternoon, we would probably have to leave him there. We needed to get home as we had to work the next day. So Chris was out there trying to retrace steps and determine some course of action. I received a text from someone who said they thought they saw my dog. They were someone I had talked to the day before, and she had gone for her morning walk. She went in the direction I had told her we had been and she said she saw him. Not long after that I received a picture of him from someone else. They said they had seen our flyers and had been looking around. They were not able to get him to come to them, but they told us where they had seen him. He was going into the yard of an abandoned house. They sent me information on what to look for so I sent that to Chris. He was reluctant to go because he wasn't sure what he would find there, but he went. He didn't find Bear. He did start concentrating his search in that area though. He talked to some roofers that said they had seen him near some junk cars. Chris called me when he got to the junk cars. They were behind a fence and he was afraid Bear would get spooked. Bear typically comes to me and Anna better than he does to Chris, so he wanted Bear to hear our voice. He puts me on speaker phone and we don't hear anything for just a bit. I keep calling him and all of a sudden I hear him! I was sitting on my sister-in-laws couch yelling through the phone and tears pouring down my face. Chris had found Bear! Now he just had to get to him. He was trying to figure out how to get Bear over the fence. Bear disappears for a moment and reappears on Chris's side of the fence and jumps into his arms! I wish I could've been there to see it! It was almost exactly 24 hours from the time we lost him, until we found him.



That 24 hour time period I learned a lot! Here are a few of those things:

1. Chip your pets! IF they are taken into animal control, that is the only way you can guarantee that you will be able to find them. That was probably the worst part of our experience. We went there Saturday afternoon and I had been keeping it together because I was driving and because Anna needed my strength. I walk into their place and I start crying. The girl at reception laughs at me! Not cool!!! Then she says we can walk through. He was not there. She then told me they do a 3 day hold for any pet that comes in and then they start testing them to see if they are "safe" to be adopted out. If they show any food aggressions or any other aggressions, they are put down. I am not sure how Bear would react. He isn't aggressive at all, but if he is scared, how would he react? I just don't know and I don't want to find out. He has now been chipped!

2. There are still good people out there! Sometimes I watch the world around me and I do wonder what is happening with humanity. That weekend I knew God placed the people we needed in our path. Almost everyone we talked to was kind to us. People genuinely wanted to help us!

3. Anxiety is real! Remember the anxiety attack I mentioned earlier? It was the first one I had seen in person. I was trying not to have one myself! I was praying my way through it but the struggle was real! If you know someone that struggles with anxiety, just know it is not a crutch. It can really mess with a person. It doesn't mean that they are less than or messed up. They just need a few minutes to catch up and let their brain slow down a little. Give them time!

4. Use a harness! If we had used a harness we could've avoided all of this! It took us almost a full year to get him to stop shaking anytime he heard a lot of traffic! The trauma ran pretty deep for him.

5. We now have a tracker! We don't think he will run again, but just in case we can find him!

6. I am thankful for my people!

7. I am thankful that God protected my baby boy! Yes, I do firmly believe that God protected him. He crossed one of the busiest roads during one of the busiest times of the day. He did not have a scratch on him. Hungry and thirsty but not hurt at all. He was definitely traumatized by his adventure and it really did take us about a year to get past most of it.

Thank you for reading about Bear's adventure. I keep thinking I will write a children's book, like Baby's Day Out. All the different things he could've encountered because we only know a little of what he experienced. If you have a pet lost and found story, I would love to hear it.

When we got him back to Casey's House. He wanted ALL the belly rubs! (His favorite)

The car ride home! He just wanted snuggles!

wordless Wednesday

 Meet Bear! Our 68 pound part Cattle Dog, Husky, and Bloodhound. Full of mischief, love, and sass!

Storm Clouds of Change

This morning I sat on the covered back porch at my house and watched the rain roll in. I was out there with Chris, and of course, Bear was with us. I have not introduced you to Bear. He is our newest family member but we have had him for over a year! He brings a lot of excitement to our lives to be sure! I will go back and tell you about the weekend we lost him later! Anyway, he loves to be outside and we spend a lot of time out there. 

Bear January 2025 (loving the snow!)

As we sat watching and listening to the rain, Chris and I talked about the future and where we would like to be in a few years. We talked about how we want to do something that means something. I mean we do now, but we feel like there is more for us to do. We are praying that God will guide us and help us find His path for our lives. I would love it if you would join us in that prayer! 

And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. Isaiah 30:21

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths. Proverbs 3:5-6

We are leaning into verses like the ones above us. We know that God has a plan and we are trusting Him to help us find it.

Feel free to leave me some scriptures that you lean into when you need guidance from God!

Something to Talk About

All through the past 18+ years, I have felt alone at certain times. I was sure I was the only one experiencing something or I felt like people would think I was crazy if I asked about it. As the years go by I am discovering more and more that if I had only opened up to people far more would have understood than I ever imagined. 

I have started a group at my church on Wednesday night that serves this purpose. We will spend time talking about subjects that a lot of us go through but we just don't talk to people about. I am excited about digging in and helping other moms feel less alone. Maybe even helping them navigate through something I went through - without as many roadblocks as I hit!

So my first 3 topics have been decided but I am looking ahead and trying to find ideas. If you have anything as a mom that you struggle with I would love to hear from you. It will help me find topics that matter!

My first 3 topics are:

Anger - Have you ever been angry at your precious angel? Goodness mornings were rough on me! My non-morning child hated her socks! Yup you heard me! We would fight over her socks EVERY SINGLE MORNING! Some days I would want to scream! Anger... How do we deal with it? Why do we feel it? How can we control it? How do we teach our children to deal with anger?

Being Consistent - Life is a challenge! Sometimes being consistent feels like the hardest thing ever! It can be in the form of punishment, having a life-altering event happen and keeping things "normal" for your children, bedtime routines, or just doing what you say you will do. How can we be consistent? Why should we be consistent? What are we teaching our children through being either consistent or not?

Quality Time! - As a previous stay-at-home mom if you look at quantity of time spent with my daughter it was a lot. If you look at quality of time that would depend on the day. The holidays are a lovely time of year for time spent with family! How can we make our time count with our kids? How can we make sure we aren't distracted when having time with them? What does quality time look like? 

I am so excited about this! Just so you know I don't really have the answers to all of these questions. Some will look different for each person. We will have to find our own answers. It will be beautiful having people sharing what works for them. We will learn so much from each other!

If you could pick a topic what would that be?

18 Things I Have Learned Through The Years

We celebrated our daughters 18th birthday not long ago! That seems so crazy to me! How did 18 years go by so fast? I remember my parents saying that time flies. I didn't really believe them when I was younger but I have noticed that it seems to get faster and faster the older you get. Anyway, in honor of Anna's 18th birthday how about I tell you 18 things that I have learned through the years. 

1. Always be open to changing your mind! The old saying is true: Never say never! If you are open-minded and willing to view things from different angles life is much easier. ie: I was never going to co-sleep - Anna wouldn't sleep if we didn't. Mama needs plenty of sleep so guess what I did!?! 

2. Live in the moment! Don't get lost behind a phone, camera, work, or whatever else can take you away from important and even small moments. I know easier said than done sometimes. I feel like I was very intentional in doing this (even though I wasn't perfect in it.) but I still feel like I missed so much!

3. Be in the pictures! I may not love how I look in pictures but I try to make sure I am in some. One day those memories will be even more important! 

4. Everyone is different! I thought that Anna would be a mini-me in most ways. Turns out she isn't! She is her own person with many differences from me. In fact, she is more like Chris in personality. She has helped me understand him more in many ways. Anyway, I can't expect her to do things I would do because that is not who she is.  

5. My dishes will not need therapy! That was a common thought when Anna was little. As an only child, I was called on to be her playmate more than I ever imagined. I decided that some things were more important and dishes and a spotless house were not one of them. Dishes wouldn't need therapy whereas Anna might if I am always consumed with cleaning. I can now cherish all of the memories of us playing together. Her favorite for a long time was working in a restaurant. It cracks me up that she is now working in a restaurant doing all the things she use to pretend to do. 

6. Discipline is important but it looks different for every child! Anna was a difficult one to figure out but luckily she wasn't naughty often. We figured out early on that spanking didn't work. Time out was eh. We discovered that talking to her and explaining what was wrong and what we expected from her was the best approach. She is a rule follower so as long as she understands the rules...

7. Be involved at school! Anna started homeschooling at 6th grade. Prior to that I made sure all of the teachers and staff knew me (and liked me). I knew that I had many people in that school that would look out for Anna and would contact me if I needed to know anything. I also had many parent friends that were in and out that would keep me updated if needed.

8. Taking walks and car rides are a great time to have serious discussions! For whatever reason it is easier for kids to have serious talks when they don't have to look at you. 

9. Trust your gut! There have been times when I have followed my gut and times when I have ignored it. If I had followed it more often I would've struggled less.

10. They will know what is important to you by the places you go, things you say, and friends you have. Make sure they are things you and they can be proud of. 

11. Speaking of words you say: I have never really had a potty mouth but I had to stop using words like c r a p because it was not nice hearing my 2 year old say it! They will parrot what you say use your words wisely!

12. Friendships! It can be difficult to find friends even for children. It can be a balancing act when they are navigating through difficult situations with a friend. Always encourage them to talk things out and to be honest. If the friendship doesn't make it love on them and remind them that they are loveable. Friendships will come and go. Be sure to fill them with encouragement!

13. Let them be children as long as possible. If they want to believe in make believe things longer than most that is ok. If they want to hold your hand while walking that is great. If they want to play with legos - they make an easy Christmas gift! Don't rush them! 

14. Let them ask questions! In fact, encourage it! We would do random thoughts by Anna. Mostly in the morning. We covered a lot of random topics and it was one of my favoite things we did. Sometimes it would be her telling me what she had learned, other times it would be her asking questions.

15. Creativity is a beautiful way to let them express themselves. Creativity can look different for everyone. Anna loves photography, painting, drawing, and writing. I prefer graphic design, writing, and coloring. Help your little one explore and find how they like to be creative. When you are creating that is a good time to have good conversations.

16. Don't be afraid to be honest with them. They are children and don't need to be pulled into adult stuff. However, sometimes they know something is wrong and the unknown can be worse than whatever is going on. Try to be honest but on their level. You know your child better than anyone, you know what they can and can't handle.

17. Go make memories! I know sometimes money can be tight and you worry about how much things will cost and if you can afford it. There are so many free options out there that are just as much fun if not more! Look around in your community, town, near you for things to do. Sometimes just going to the park to play can be fun. Finding a trail to hike on, Going to the water (pond, river, creek, ocean, lake) and stick your toes in or go swimming if it is warm enough. Go do sidewalk chalk outside, watch the leaves dance, have a game night. There are many options! 

18. Having a child is a huge blessing and a HUGE responsibility! I often say being a Mom has been the best thing I have ever done but it has also been the hardest. Just when you figure one phase out and how to navigate it, they are moving into a new phase. It is a juggling act learning how much responsibility to give them and how much to let them stretch their wings. The decisions we make will set the course of life they will start on as a young adult. That is a HUGE responsibility. Sometimes I feel like I did well and other times I feel like I didn't do enough. 

My job as a parent is not done even though she is 18! I am moving into the next phase. Now I get to be on the sidelines while she continues to learn how to navigate this big scary world. I will be her loudest cheerleader and coach. I will be here whenever she needs me and hope to continue doing some of the things on this list like Random Thoughts with Anna. I will miss some of her earlier phases but I am excited about this new one! 

I will give you one last lesson I learned: find something good about each phase. It makes those difficult phases a little easier to bear. Your little one won't stay with anyone else - it is because they feel safe and loved by you. My 2 year old is throwing a tantrum - they are learning to communicate when they are unhappy or mad. etc... Each phase brings its own set of challenges and its own set of rewards. 

PS. Anna said no one would even know what I meant in #17 with leaves dancing, so I thought I would explain it. She has a tree outside her window and the slightest breeze would make the leaves twirl and bounce. She thought they were dancing and loved to watch them. She would doze off after watching for a short while. 

Grief sucks!

Some days I feel like I am beginning to feel "normal" such as it is and everything will be ok. Other times I feel like a wave has crashed over me and I can't seem to find my breath. I do know that this too shall pass and ultimately I am ok. I also know that grief sucks! It doesn't just magically go away at the 6-month mark or 1-year mark. I have heard grief described as the ocean. Sometimes you are in between the waves and sometimes the waves are crashing over you. I feel like that is the best description of grief that I have seen. 

A few weeks ago I had my birthday. I have always loved my birthday and would celebrate as much of the month as I could, lol. Of course, now I have to share the month with my daughter, but she was the best gift ever! Anyway, this year was the first year that I didn't have my parents or at least one of them call me and sing me "Happy Birthday". I don't know why that hit me so hard but it really did. One of the highlights of my day was always Mom singing off key and Dad singing as loud and proud and goofy as he could. It hit me I will never get that again! Honestly, my birthday was rough! I am blessed with great co-workers, friends, family, and an amazing daughter and husband. They all worked very hard to help me feel special, appreciated, and loved! Don't ever take for granted the love of your parents! Soak in those moments and make memories because you don't know when your last will be. 

I feel like I should add I do have some of the best in-laws too! My Mother-in-law never fails to find the perfect card to make me laugh. She has a way of knowing what I need a lot of the time! My Sister-in-law is the absolute best! She is the sister that I never had and didn't realize I needed! I cherish these relationships! 

When I am under the wave and can't find my way out I try to remember the people that love me, need me, and, want me! I also remind myself of this verse!

I am not walking through this grief alone! My God is walking with me. Sometimes He is in front of me (leading the way), sometimes beside me (holding my hand and encouraging me as I go), and other times behind me (probably shoving me through). I honestly don't know how someone would get through the mountains of emotions we call grief without knowing God! 

I will continue my journey each day with a prayer and trust that God is in control even when things feel out of control! I will look for joy in my journey and always look for the good around me! I will not think of my grief as a problem to solve. I will look at it as a blessing because without great love, I wouldn't have such deep grief!

Leave me an encouraging scripture in the comments or in the form on the side! I love seeing what verses lift others when they are down!

Japanese Yumminess!

I love Japanese food! (Well, some of it.) My favorite is hibachi chicken or hibachi steak and of course fried rice! My family prefers chicken, so my daughter and I have been trying to perfect the recipe. I will share the full recipe for chicken hibachi, hibachi vegetables, and fried rice. I will give you the recipes and then I will follow it with a step-by-step with pictures and tips! 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Chicken- 

2 -3 chicken breasts (chopped into bite-size pieces) 

1 tbsp vegetable oil 

1/2 tsp sesame seed oil 

1.5 tbsp butter (real butter) 

3 tbsp soy sauce (I use the light most of the time) 

2 tsp lemon juice (I use the real lemon in the bottle) 

salt and pepper to taste 

 Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and sesame oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the chicken, 3 tbsp of soy sauce, 1.5 tbsp of butter, 2 tsp of lemon juice, and salt and pepper. Saute the chicken for 6-8 minutes or until no longer pink. Set the chicken and remaining juice aside in a bowl. At the same time that you cook the chicken, you can be cooking the veggies. 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Vegetables- 

1 tbsp vegetable oil 

1/2 tsp sesame seed oil 

1 large white onion 

 2-3 zucchini 

1 tbsp butter 

2 tbsp soy sauce 

salt and pepper to taste 

Dice the white onion. The zucchini can be quartered or cut into circles. We did circles this time, and last time we quartered them. Both ways will work. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the white onion, zucchini, 1 tbsp of butter, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, salt ad pepper. Saute veggies until veggies are tender (maybe 10-12 minutes). 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Fried Rice- 

 6 cups cooked rice (cold) 

2 tbsp vegetable oil 

1/2 cup white onion (Finely chopped)

1/2 tsp garlic 

1 large egg 

4 tbsp butter 

4 tbsp soy sauce 

Heat 2 tbsp of vegetable oil on medium/high heat in the pan where you prepared the chicken. Add the onion and saute for 3-4 minutes. Add garlic (roughly 1/2 tsp) after the onions have cooked for a minute or 2. Move the onions to one side of the pan when they are tender and translucent. Add the egg (you can do 2 if you prefer more) and scramble them as you add them to the skillet Once scrambled add 4 tbsp of butter and then the rice. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add 4 tbsp soy sauce and continue to cook for an additional minute. Add 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil. Give it a good toss. I typically like to add the chicken and the leftover juice into the pot with the rice. You don't have to add the chicken, you can have it on the side but taste the rice to see if you need to add more soy sauce. 

Now for the step-by-step and additional tips. Prep all of your veggies and chicken, and gather your ingredients before you start. The prep work will help with the timing and ease of cooking! Trust me, I am ALL about easy work!

So the first thing you will do is chop/dice your zucchini and onions. You can of course add more veggies to your rice. If you want to add peas or carrots or whatever just make sure those are ready.

Now cut your chicken into bite sizes. The smaller the bite the faster it cooks. Do better than me and cut them all the same size or close to it. 

Now the chicken and vegetables can cook at the same time. 

I start my chicken and then the veggies. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and sesame oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the chicken, 3 tbsp of soy sauce, 1.5 tbsp of butter, 2 tsp of lemon juice, and salt and pepper. Saute the chicken for 6-8 minutes or until no longer pink. If you have a meat thermometer, you can check to make sure they are 165 in the center. Set the chicken and remaining juice aside in a bowl. 

After you get the chicken started move to the vegetables. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the white onion, zucchini, 1 tbsp of butter, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, salt ad pepper. Saute veggies until veggies are tender (maybe 10-12 minutes). I do tend to let mine cook the rest of the time I cook. My family likes them really tender. Next time I make this, I am going to add some mushrooms! 

The most important note to make about the rice is to make it well in advance. I make it the night before I plan to make this dish. I add the butter and salt when I cook it, just as if it was going with dinner that night. 

 It needs to be cold, not just room temp. Cook it at a higher temp than your other dishes. You will have to stir it often! 

 Heat 2 tbsp of vegetable oil on medium/high heat in the pan where you prepared the chicken. Add the onion and saute for 3-4 minutes. Add garlic (roughly 1/2 tsp) after the onions have cooked for a minute or 2. Move the onions to one side of the pan when they are tender and translucent. Add the egg (you can do 2 if you prefer more) and scramble them as you add them to the skillet Once scrambled add 4 tbsp of butter and then the rice. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add 4 tbsp soy sauce and continue to cook for an additional minute. Add 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil. Give it a good toss. Now I typically like to add the chicken and the leftover juice into the pot with the rice. You don't have to add the chicken, you can have it on the side but taste the rice to see if you need to add more soy sauce. 

Sesame seed oil is kind of strong. Don't get to heavy handed with it. It does add great flavor though, so don't leave it out! Oh, and don't forget the yum yum sauce. You can get it at the grocery store. I get the spicy and original. 

I hope your family will enjoy this as much as mine! If you have any suggestions on how to make it better, please share them in the comments!

PS Picture creds go to my amazing daughter! Thanks Anna for taking pictures for me!

Dear Younger Me

Dear 17-year-old Candi,

Wow, I can't believe you are turning 49 in just a few days! Where did the time go, seriously!?! 

The first thing I want you to know is time will start flying by (just like your parents said - believe them!) Because time really does go by quickly I want you to live in the moment! Stop worrying about tomorrow or regretting things in the past! Live for today and enjoy where you are at all times! Even the bad days will have some good mixed in them. Be sure to look for the good in all situations. We don't usually have trouble with that but there are times when we get bogged down in the bad and can't find our way out. 

Another IMPORTANT bit of advice for you is do NOT be afraid to ask for help. If you are overwhelmed talk to someone! So many times we bottle things up and think we can fix them or change them by ourselves and trust me it is much easier if you share the burden. 

Marriage: It is a beautiful part of life but it is no walk in the park! Marriage is hard! However, it is worth the effort! Put in the work. Open up more, learn to communicate, and learn to actively listen! Trust your spouse to be your partner in life and lean on him when things get hard! Also be there for him when he is struggling! I can guarantee you will not give or receive 100% all the time. As long as you both push yourself to give as much as you possibly can,  and you are giving each other grace when you can't give as much as usual, you will make it!

Children: I know you want to be a mom more than anything. Be patient! Your time will come. It will just not be as soon as you would like. Trust that God has a plan and a reason for that plan. When you have a precious baby love every moment! Don't get distracted by life and things around you. Stay in the moment. Even the terrible 3's have moments you want to hold on to. Every stage has something incredible to experience. Every stage has something you are going to look back on and miss. You won't even realize it but suddenly you will wonder when the last time you did _____ was. You will wonder why you didn't know it was the last time you were going to do ____ so you could savor the moment. 

Aging Parents: Your parents are not as young as they use to be. They will not be around forever. Don't let the past keep you from building and repairing your relationships with them. Your parents love you even when they don't know how to show it. They love you even when you don't feel like they do! You are loved and they want what is best for you. Let the bad go and focus on the good. Don't wait for them to get sickly to start mending fences! Spend as much time with them as you can. Time is something you won't regret.

Aging ME: Again, I can't believe I am turning 49! Love yourself through the good and bad. Give yourself grace when you don't do what you should but push yourself to do better. If you stick with something long enough it will get easier. STOP drinking soda! Just don't do it!!! When you get Covid don't sit still and get pneumonia. Your feet will never be the same after Covid, or at least not a year later! Get in shape before you get there because it just gets harder! Always love yourself! You are beautiful! You are smart! You are worth it!

Enjoy your life! It is a good life. You will have some good adventures and make some great memories. Love God, love people, think before you react, and always choose things that bring you peace and joy! Buckle up buttercup it will be a bumpy ride!

Love Always,

Older Candace

What would you tell your younger or older self?

Life is what happens when you are making plans!

 When I was younger, I loved to make plans. I loved daydreaming about where I would be in 5 years or 10 years. Where would we be living, what would would my daughter be like, etc... What I didn't realize was that while I was daydreaming, planning, and working towards my goals life was passing. Here I am, almost 50 and some days I wonder where the time went! 

So here I am, I blinked, and I suddenly have a 17 year old daughter. I've been married for 26 years to my high school sweetheart. My daughter, Anna, is a homeschooling Senior this year. We love spending time together as a family. I am a Church Secretary, and I love spending time with our youth at the church. I like to say that I felt the call to work with teenagers and to be a missionary. I did neither, except now I lead a mission team to WV typically once a year and volunteer with the youth a lot. At least I did until my Dad passed away from lung cancer in November 2020. My Mom then passed away in February 2022. Mom's cause of death is listed as covid, but it was really a broken heart mixed with heart problems, kidney problems, and a whole host of other issues. Since they have passed, I have struggled with finding who I am as an orphan. I can't even describe it any other way. I have extended family, but all of my immediate family is gone. I lost my brother when I was about 20 and now my parents...

I am finally getting to the point where I can breathe and feel somewhat normal in my own skin. I find joy in hanging out with my daughter. I find joy in spending time with my husband. I find joy watching birds enjoying our feeders and bird bath. I find joy in my God! This is one of my favorite verses and has been for a while. I love knowing that no matter what I am going through God is with me!

I am hoping this journal, if you will, will help me find myself and who I am today. Feel free to introduce yourself to me. Let me know if there is anything I can pray for you about. Thanks for joining me on this journey.

Christmas is in the air!!!

I can't believe it is Christmas! I love this time of year!!! The magic in the air, the excitement of the children, the joy of all the adults! I love the traditions that each family has and I love how those traditions change and grow with the family. I do miss some of our traditions from when Anna was tiny. My favorite use to be her feeding the tree! Such a simple task but such a joy for her. Now she just wants to water it cause it doesn't take as long lol.

I believe my favorite tradition that started for me 3 years ago. Is our elf Twinkle! He is so much fun for both me and Anna. He is a mischievous little guy doing all sorts of things around the house. My Mom and Dad would have had a blast with this if they had had them when I was little. If you don't have an elf on the shelf or have never heard of them check them out. Here are a few pictures of fun things you can do with them!!

Twinkle got bored and colored in Anna's coloring book. When we got home that afternoon he had finished the picture.
He created a zip line in our living room! Crazy elf lol.

He baked cookies when I went to pick Anna up. The oven was still warm when we got home.

He slipped into my purse the night before we were going to the tree farm to get our Christmas tree! He hung out with us all day!

He used makeup to leave a note on our bathroom mirror. He was reminding Anna to send Santa a letter.

He is so much fun. The joy on Anna's face every morning is worth the extra time and effort he takes. Not to mention it is fun for me to create so much mischief.

Other Christmas traditions I love and wait for all year include:

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  Going to the tree farm to find the perfect tree for our family! Anna and I have completely different taste in trees so this year it was more complicated lol. She likes trees that I call Charlie Brown trees simply because they are so small. I like the really big ones that would barely fit in our house lol. We compromised and got one that is probably close to 6 ft tall.


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  I love the nights of watching the old classic cartoons and also new classics like Polar Express. Oh and we can't forget adult movies like White Christmas! Throw in a little hot chocolate and Christmas tree all a glow and I am a happy girl lol.


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  Christmas gatherings both with friends and family are a lot of fun! Our Sunday School class does an ornament dirty Santa game! My family does the white elephant dirty Santa game. I like to steal presents just to add a little excitement lol.


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  Our church does a traditional service the weekend after Thanksgiving. It is the hanging of the green. It is a beautiful service that I truely love being a part of.


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  Singing all of the Christmas songs! Both the festive upbeat to the old hymns that have been around forever! My favorite secular song is Santa Baby and my favorite hymn is What Child is This! Music really is a huge part of Christmas for me!

I could really keep going with things I love to do at Christmas but I will stop at that. What is your favorite Christmas tradition?

Summertime Blues!

I have had a long hard summer. I lost both of my Grandma's this summer. I can't tell you how much that hurts. Mostly cause I block it out. I am the queen of denial! I don't like pain and suffering therefore I just put it at the back of my mind and forget it. Of course that probably isn't the most healthy way to handle things but it is what it is. I can say that some good came out of this summer. I have reconnected with my family better than I could have ever asked for.

It was fun this summer watching Anna bond with her cousins. She had a blast dragging her smaller cousins around in a wagon, having a water balloon fight, playing in the sand and dirt, playing with chalk, pretending to be mama and who knows what else they got up to lol. She really bonded with my cousin Holly too. She had puppies at her house so Anna wanted to go there ALL the time! Of course sometimes that was just an excuse to go play with her kids. She especially bonded with Katie my cousins 3 year old little girl. Holly also went out and built a volcano out of sand and made it erupt with vinegar and baking soda or whatever it is you use together to make it blow up. The kids loved that!!!

I spent my time with Grandma Annie. I gave her mani pedis and talked and made sure she had food and drink. We watched Murder She Wrote and movies and talked. Grandma likes to talk. Some say I am a lot like my Grandma hmmm. She slept a lot so I did a lot of reading just sitting there with her. She has always lived 4 hours away so we have never been extra close physically but I always knew that Grandma was there if I needed her. I have lost that assurance now and I have to say even though I didn't call as much as I should and I didn't go see her as much as I should I feel a little lost without her. She started getting pretty sick in early July. Her kidneys started shutting down. She already had a bad heart and her body was just getting tired. She was 93 and I have to say up until recently she didn't act her age. I felt terrible in one way that she lingered so long cause she hurt and she was tired and well she was just done! On the other hand I thank God that I had time to spend with her. I had a chance that not many people get and I wouldn't change it.

Now before we went to see Grandma Annie we were with Grandma Caroline. She got sick fairly suddenly. One day she was ok and the next she was having surgery. Maybe not that quick cause she suffered with the pain before deciding to go to the hospital. She just never recovered from the surgery. She was moved to ICU not long after she went in the hospital and stayed there for somewhere around 2 or 3 weeks. It is all a blur for me. We would go hang out in the waiting room and go visit her during visiting hours. Anna actually enjoyed hanging out at the hospital and she always wanted to go with us. My Daddy and I would kinda take turns giving her a break from the hospital. Grandma Caroline had a brief period when she was awake enough for us to talk to but mostly they kept her sedated. When she was conscious though I managed to make her smile a few times (Well as much as she could with the tubes and all.) She was able to tell us she loved us and hear us tell her.

I will miss both of my Grandma's very much! They were both full of courage and spirit and spunk. They both thought of others before themselves and both loved completely. I am thankful I know they are both in heaven now. Grandma Annie is probably singing and dancing and they are both chatting with all of the people they lost.

Things I learned this summer:

1. You have 1 family don't waste time being stupid.


2. It is ok to get dirty! It will wash off (eventually).


3. Take time to go see the cows. Life will keep on going even if you take a minute to just breathe in the fresh air.


4. Let the people you love know it because sometimes you don't always have another chance.


5. Children can handle a lot more than we give them credit for.

Thank you plus a challenge!

I was overwhelmed with the love and support after my last post. I wish you could see my facebook responses on here but you can't. Most of us have lost someone special to us at one time or another. I don't intend to keep dwelling on it because that is not how I deal with things. I am the queen of denial. You know forge ahead as if nothing is wrong. If you tell yourself something often enough you will eventually believe it, right?

That really goes both ways. If you tell yourself something bad over and over. "I look terrible" is a good example! Eventually you believe it and if someone says how beautiful you are you don't believe them. I am going to try a little experiment over the next month. I am going to tell myself something positive. The same thing over and over every day and see if I come any closer to believing it! Do you think it will work? My self-esteem is not the best, so this should be fun to see. Maybe I will even try it out on Chris and see how it works if you compliment someone each day with the same thing if they can start to perceive themselves in a different manner.

You are so BEAUTIFUL!!!

Does anyone want to join me in my challenge? If you do please let me know how it goes!!!