Grief sucks!

Some days I feel like I am beginning to feel "normal" such as it is and everything will be ok. Other times I feel like a wave has crashed over me and I can't seem to find my breath. I do know that this too shall pass and ultimately I am ok. I also know that grief sucks! It doesn't just magically go away at the 6-month mark or 1-year mark. I have heard grief described as the ocean. Sometimes you are in between the waves and sometimes the waves are crashing over you. I feel like that is the best description of grief that I have seen. 

A few weeks ago I had my birthday. I have always loved my birthday and would celebrate as much of the month as I could, lol. Of course, now I have to share the month with my daughter, but she was the best gift ever! Anyway, this year was the first year that I didn't have my parents or at least one of them call me and sing me "Happy Birthday". I don't know why that hit me so hard but it really did. One of the highlights of my day was always Mom singing off key and Dad singing as loud and proud and goofy as he could. It hit me I will never get that again! Honestly, my birthday was rough! I am blessed with great co-workers, friends, family, and an amazing daughter and husband. They all worked very hard to help me feel special, appreciated, and loved! Don't ever take for granted the love of your parents! Soak in those moments and make memories because you don't know when your last will be. 

I feel like I should add I do have some of the best in-laws too! My Mother-in-law never fails to find the perfect card to make me laugh. She has a way of knowing what I need a lot of the time! My Sister-in-law is the absolute best! She is the sister that I never had and didn't realize I needed! I cherish these relationships! 

When I am under the wave and can't find my way out I try to remember the people that love me, need me, and, want me! I also remind myself of this verse!

I am not walking through this grief alone! My God is walking with me. Sometimes He is in front of me (leading the way), sometimes beside me (holding my hand and encouraging me as I go), and other times behind me (probably shoving me through). I honestly don't know how someone would get through the mountains of emotions we call grief without knowing God! 

I will continue my journey each day with a prayer and trust that God is in control even when things feel out of control! I will look for joy in my journey and always look for the good around me! I will not think of my grief as a problem to solve. I will look at it as a blessing because without great love, I wouldn't have such deep grief!

Leave me an encouraging scripture in the comments or in the form on the side! I love seeing what verses lift others when they are down!

Life is what happens when you are making plans!

 When I was younger, I loved to make plans. I loved daydreaming about where I would be in 5 years or 10 years. Where would we be living, what would would my daughter be like, etc... What I didn't realize was that while I was daydreaming, planning, and working towards my goals life was passing. Here I am, almost 50 and some days I wonder where the time went! 

So here I am, I blinked, and I suddenly have a 17 year old daughter. I've been married for 26 years to my high school sweetheart. My daughter, Anna, is a homeschooling Senior this year. We love spending time together as a family. I am a Church Secretary, and I love spending time with our youth at the church. I like to say that I felt the call to work with teenagers and to be a missionary. I did neither, except now I lead a mission team to WV typically once a year and volunteer with the youth a lot. At least I did until my Dad passed away from lung cancer in November 2020. My Mom then passed away in February 2022. Mom's cause of death is listed as covid, but it was really a broken heart mixed with heart problems, kidney problems, and a whole host of other issues. Since they have passed, I have struggled with finding who I am as an orphan. I can't even describe it any other way. I have extended family, but all of my immediate family is gone. I lost my brother when I was about 20 and now my parents...

I am finally getting to the point where I can breathe and feel somewhat normal in my own skin. I find joy in hanging out with my daughter. I find joy in spending time with my husband. I find joy watching birds enjoying our feeders and bird bath. I find joy in my God! This is one of my favorite verses and has been for a while. I love knowing that no matter what I am going through God is with me!

I am hoping this journal, if you will, will help me find myself and who I am today. Feel free to introduce yourself to me. Let me know if there is anything I can pray for you about. Thanks for joining me on this journey.