Something to Talk About

All through the past 18+ years, I have felt alone at certain times. I was sure I was the only one experiencing something or I felt like people would think I was crazy if I asked about it. As the years go by I am discovering more and more that if I had only opened up to people far more would have understood than I ever imagined. 

I have started a group at my church on Wednesday night that serves this purpose. We will spend time talking about subjects that a lot of us go through but we just don't talk to people about. I am excited about digging in and helping other moms feel less alone. Maybe even helping them navigate through something I went through - without as many roadblocks as I hit!

So my first 3 topics have been decided but I am looking ahead and trying to find ideas. If you have anything as a mom that you struggle with I would love to hear from you. It will help me find topics that matter!

My first 3 topics are:

Anger - Have you ever been angry at your precious angel? Goodness mornings were rough on me! My non-morning child hated her socks! Yup you heard me! We would fight over her socks EVERY SINGLE MORNING! Some days I would want to scream! Anger... How do we deal with it? Why do we feel it? How can we control it? How do we teach our children to deal with anger?

Being Consistent - Life is a challenge! Sometimes being consistent feels like the hardest thing ever! It can be in the form of punishment, having a life-altering event happen and keeping things "normal" for your children, bedtime routines, or just doing what you say you will do. How can we be consistent? Why should we be consistent? What are we teaching our children through being either consistent or not?

Quality Time! - As a previous stay-at-home mom if you look at quantity of time spent with my daughter it was a lot. If you look at quality of time that would depend on the day. The holidays are a lovely time of year for time spent with family! How can we make our time count with our kids? How can we make sure we aren't distracted when having time with them? What does quality time look like? 

I am so excited about this! Just so you know I don't really have the answers to all of these questions. Some will look different for each person. We will have to find our own answers. It will be beautiful having people sharing what works for them. We will learn so much from each other!

If you could pick a topic what would that be?

18 Things I Have Learned Through The Years

We celebrated our daughters 18th birthday not long ago! That seems so crazy to me! How did 18 years go by so fast? I remember my parents saying that time flies. I didn't really believe them when I was younger but I have noticed that it seems to get faster and faster the older you get. Anyway, in honor of Anna's 18th birthday how about I tell you 18 things that I have learned through the years. 

1. Always be open to changing your mind! The old saying is true: Never say never! If you are open-minded and willing to view things from different angles life is much easier. ie: I was never going to co-sleep - Anna wouldn't sleep if we didn't. Mama needs plenty of sleep so guess what I did!?! 

2. Live in the moment! Don't get lost behind a phone, camera, work, or whatever else can take you away from important and even small moments. I know easier said than done sometimes. I feel like I was very intentional in doing this (even though I wasn't perfect in it.) but I still feel like I missed so much!

3. Be in the pictures! I may not love how I look in pictures but I try to make sure I am in some. One day those memories will be even more important! 

4. Everyone is different! I thought that Anna would be a mini-me in most ways. Turns out she isn't! She is her own person with many differences from me. In fact, she is more like Chris in personality. She has helped me understand him more in many ways. Anyway, I can't expect her to do things I would do because that is not who she is.  

5. My dishes will not need therapy! That was a common thought when Anna was little. As an only child, I was called on to be her playmate more than I ever imagined. I decided that some things were more important and dishes and a spotless house were not one of them. Dishes wouldn't need therapy whereas Anna might if I am always consumed with cleaning. I can now cherish all of the memories of us playing together. Her favorite for a long time was working in a restaurant. It cracks me up that she is now working in a restaurant doing all the things she use to pretend to do. 

6. Discipline is important but it looks different for every child! Anna was a difficult one to figure out but luckily she wasn't naughty often. We figured out early on that spanking didn't work. Time out was eh. We discovered that talking to her and explaining what was wrong and what we expected from her was the best approach. She is a rule follower so as long as she understands the rules...

7. Be involved at school! Anna started homeschooling at 6th grade. Prior to that I made sure all of the teachers and staff knew me (and liked me). I knew that I had many people in that school that would look out for Anna and would contact me if I needed to know anything. I also had many parent friends that were in and out that would keep me updated if needed.

8. Taking walks and car rides are a great time to have serious discussions! For whatever reason it is easier for kids to have serious talks when they don't have to look at you. 

9. Trust your gut! There have been times when I have followed my gut and times when I have ignored it. If I had followed it more often I would've struggled less.

10. They will know what is important to you by the places you go, things you say, and friends you have. Make sure they are things you and they can be proud of. 

11. Speaking of words you say: I have never really had a potty mouth but I had to stop using words like c r a p because it was not nice hearing my 2 year old say it! They will parrot what you say use your words wisely!

12. Friendships! It can be difficult to find friends even for children. It can be a balancing act when they are navigating through difficult situations with a friend. Always encourage them to talk things out and to be honest. If the friendship doesn't make it love on them and remind them that they are loveable. Friendships will come and go. Be sure to fill them with encouragement!

13. Let them be children as long as possible. If they want to believe in make believe things longer than most that is ok. If they want to hold your hand while walking that is great. If they want to play with legos - they make an easy Christmas gift! Don't rush them! 

14. Let them ask questions! In fact, encourage it! We would do random thoughts by Anna. Mostly in the morning. We covered a lot of random topics and it was one of my favoite things we did. Sometimes it would be her telling me what she had learned, other times it would be her asking questions.

15. Creativity is a beautiful way to let them express themselves. Creativity can look different for everyone. Anna loves photography, painting, drawing, and writing. I prefer graphic design, writing, and coloring. Help your little one explore and find how they like to be creative. When you are creating that is a good time to have good conversations.

16. Don't be afraid to be honest with them. They are children and don't need to be pulled into adult stuff. However, sometimes they know something is wrong and the unknown can be worse than whatever is going on. Try to be honest but on their level. You know your child better than anyone, you know what they can and can't handle.

17. Go make memories! I know sometimes money can be tight and you worry about how much things will cost and if you can afford it. There are so many free options out there that are just as much fun if not more! Look around in your community, town, near you for things to do. Sometimes just going to the park to play can be fun. Finding a trail to hike on, Going to the water (pond, river, creek, ocean, lake) and stick your toes in or go swimming if it is warm enough. Go do sidewalk chalk outside, watch the leaves dance, have a game night. There are many options! 

18. Having a child is a huge blessing and a HUGE responsibility! I often say being a Mom has been the best thing I have ever done but it has also been the hardest. Just when you figure one phase out and how to naviate it, they are moving into a new phase. It is a juggling act learning how much responsibility to give them and how much to let them stretch their wings. The decisions we make will set the course of life they will start on as a young adult. That is a HUGE responsibility. Sometimes I feel like I did well and other times I feel like I didn't do enough. 

My job as a parent is not done even though she is 18! I am moving into the next phase. Now I get to be on the sidelines while she continues to learn how to navigate this big scary world. I will be her loudest cheerleader and coach. I will be here whenever she needs me and hope to continue doing some of the things on this list like Random Thoughts with Anna. I will miss some of her earlier phases but I am excited about this new one! 

I will give you one last lesson I learned: find something good about each phase. It makes those difficult phases a little easier to bare. Your little one won't stay with anyone else - it is because they feel safe and loved by you. My 2 year old is throwing a tantrum - they are learning to communicate when they are unhappy or mad. etc... Each phase brings its own set of challenges and its own set of rewards. 

PS. Anna  said no one would even know what I meant in #17 with leaves dancing, so I thought I would explain it. She has a tree outside her window and the slightest breeze would make the leaves twirl and bounce. She thought they were dancing and loved to watch them. She would doze off after watching for a short while.