Listening to God

A few weeks ago I had this urge to go visit my in-laws. I get along great with my in-laws but it isn't often that I get a whim to go see them. There are 2 very good reasons for that first of all because Anna is not a great traveler (she gets it from me) and second of all because they are here so often we don't have to. It had been Christmas since we had seen them and I just knew we needed to go visit. I told Chris that we needed to and he wasn't so sure lol. He wanted to just chill on our weekend and not worry about it. I convinced him that we needed too and even after I got sick on Wednesday I was determined to go. We left Friday after Anna got out of school. Saturday we went to breakfast and Anna stayed with Yia Yia and Pop most of the day. Her Daddy was in and out too but she was mainly Yia Yia and Pops for the day. They had a blast. Did a little shopping, played legos (Anna's favorite thing to do with Pop!) and colored and who knows what else lol. They just had the perfect day! Anna and I were staying with Aunt Casey and Chris stayed with his Mom and Dad. That is the way we do it when we visit for whatever reason lol. I have always thought of it as trying to give Aunt Casey a little time since Anna is always about Yia Yia and Pop when they are around. We left that night and everything was right in the world. We had no idea that less than 8 hours later our world would turn upside down.

Pop had been having some health issues. His legs were constantly swollen and his body was starting to swell as well, he was on a heart monitor because they wanted to watch it for a while (they did this every year or so.) Around 4:30 am his alarm on the monitor went off. Less than an hour later we lost our beloved Pop! Our family has suffered a great loss! Pop was a large part of the sparkle in our family. He was a fun-loving friend to anyone he met. He could have a fabulous conversation with a brick wall lol. I remember when Casey woke me up and told me my first thoughts were that this was a bad joke. Sure he wasn't the healthiest person around but Pop was larger than life he was going to be around forever. Chris says it best I think - He gave so freely with his big heart that he had nothing left for himself.

Now you wonder what all of this has to do with listening to God? I know without a shadow of doubt that God told me that we needed to go to visit! I know that for a few reasons. Pop loved his Anna more than anything and they needed that day of love for them both. I think I forgot to mention that they also made Valentine's Day cards. They made them for each other and us. We have the one Pop made for our whole family and that is a special gift! Anna now has the sweet memory of the day, doing all the things she loved with her Pop. If I hadn't listened to God she wouldn't have that. If I hadn't listened to God Lynn would have been home alone trying to deal with all of this. Chris would have never been able to forgive himself for not being there through this. If I had not listened to God we would have had a 2.5 hour trip after finding out he was gone. Casey would have been home alone when the call came in. You can sit there and think what you will but I know that my God was telling me to go home! My God loves me enough to put me where I need to be when I am needed.

He loves me enough to talk to me and have a relationship with me. I am not a perfect person. In fact, I have screwed up more than most! However, I am blessed to be loved by a perfect God that is forgiving! I have a long way to go before I can claim the perfect relationship with Him. I don't read my Bible as much as I should, instead I read novels. I pray to Him but I sometimes hold things back. I give things over to Him and then I take them back because well, I think I know how to handle it. I am trying real hard to be the person that He wants me to be and I still fall short most of the time. Through all of that He still talks to me! He still loves me and forgives me each and every time!!!

I thank God for that last day with Pop! I am thankful that I am assured that Pop feels 100% better now. That he is happy and talking the ear off of all of his friends and family that went ahead of him. We will always miss Pop, but I am so glad that I believe in Jesus and I know that one day we will see him again!

Does God talk to you? Have you slowed down to listen to Him lately? I know I need to slow down a lot more than I do! My church has just started a Bible Study Discerning the Voice of God. I am excited about it.

Sacrifices of a Daddy

My husband is a great Daddy. I know that he feels inadequate (as many of us parents do) but he is so wrong! When Anna was about 18 months old we would stand in the window to wave him off to work. She would put on a huge smile and give her queenly wave. I know in so many ways that was bittersweet. Sweet because his baby loved him enough to wave him off with a smile, interrupting whatever she was doing at the moment just for him. Bitter because yet again he was leaving her. Today Anna cries if her Daddy is gone when she wakes up. She no longer waves him off but she does run to him and snuggle up until the very last second. I know that he hates leaving her. He is doing a great thing for her though. He is showing her how much he loves her by providing for her. He is showing her how to be dependable and consistent. He is showing her that it is important to be there for others and to stand by your commitments.

A fathers love is so important to a little girl. He is showing her how a man should treat a woman. He is showing her that she is special and deserves to be treated like a princess! He is also showing her that life isn't all about responsibilities and worries it is also about fun and laughter. My husband is teaching Anna all of these things and doesn't even realize it! He does these things effortlessly and still thinks himself inadequate.

He is teaching her of our Fathers love! She knows already that God loves her. She knows that Jesus loves her. She loves to talk about it and read her Bible! She will have a wonderful understanding of why we call God our Father as she grows up because she will be able to see that the love God has for each and every one of us is very much like the love a father feels for his child. It is an unconditional love, a love that grows as the relationship grows, a love that only wants to see good things, better things for the child, a love that disciplines not because it is fun but because you don't want the child to hurt or suffer not just now but always, it is a love that can never be destroyed! Nothing we do can take away a Fathers love or our Gods love! Hold on to that in all you do. Know that you will always have someone on your side!!!

Chris you should know that Anna adores you. She thinks you hung the moon just for her! Thank you for all that you teach our daughter and all that you do for her (and me)!

Anna you should know that your Daddy adores you. That all he does for you is out of love not duty! That you are his world!

Happy Anniversary Chris!!!

12 years of marriage is a long time. Well, sometimes it feels like a long time and other times it feels like I blinked and missed a few years. I guess it depends on the highs and lows of the relationship. We all have those so I know you know what I am talking about. I can honestly say though after 12 years of marriage I am thrilled to still be married to my best friend. He is an amazing husband. We both screw up and we have had a rough couple of years but right now I feel like we are closer than ever. With that I am going to list 12 things that I love about my husband.

12 Things I love about my husband

1. I love the way his eyes change colors depending on his mood.


2. I love the way he takes care of me and Anna.


3. I love that he gets mad at me when I get upset if dinner isn't ready or the house isn't just so. (I always feel like I am not doing my "job" if it isn't just so.)


4. I love how he is willing to play with Anna and entertain her so that I can have a few minutes of me time.


5. I love that he is starting to step out of his box and grow in ways that I never imagined he would.


6. I love that he loves his family so much. (Meaning his Mom and Dad and sister!)


7. I love that he pitches in with the housework at times. Doing the jobs that I just hate to do!


8. I love that he is willing to change his mind and go with the flow. (It hasn't always been this way.)


9. I love that he is so good with the kids at church.


10. I love that he is so active at church and so willing to listen to God!


11. I love that he is teaching Anna about God!


12. I love the man that he has become and the boy that he used to be!

I can't wait to see what the next 12 years hold in store for us!!!

Happy Anniversary Chris!!!

I love you so very much!!!

What was I thinking?

I totally jinxed myself! I was talking about how smoothly our sleep transition has been so far. Ha!!! That is almost all I can say. If I were anyone else that would be about it lol. I am however never short on words or at least very rarely. Tonight We did our bed time prayer and she climbed into bed. I though YES we are there!!! Ha!!! She scooted to the bottom of the bed and said "you get in your spot". I explained to her that I wasn't that I was going into the living room. I would sit in the yellow chair so that she could still see me. She started screaming hysterically. I loved on her and told her I had too. I proceeded to leave the room saying I would come check on her soon. 5 minutes later she sounds like she is about to be sick she has cried so hard. I go in and I can't hear myself talk over the screaming so I tell her that when she settles down I will come back in. Hmm, about 10 minutes I guess she finally settled down. It felt more like a life time. I went back in there and her shirt was drenched from her crying. We get her shirt changed. I tell her that I love her so very much. That she was the greatest gift God could ever give me. That I feel that she has given me so much more than I can ever give her. All I can do is love her with all of my heart and soul and take care of her like I think she needs. I think we need this! I said you know I love you, right? She nodded her head. I said you have made me so proud the past few nights. I need you to do it again. I explained that I would be going to the living room and she could see me in the chair. She said but Mommy stay in her, lay down with me. That very moment I wanted to cave. I thought is this really worth it? Do we HAVE to do this now? She is still really just a baby. Then I thought about how far we have come in just a few days. I thought about having to start over one day down the road. So I kissed her and told her that I couldn't. I came back to the living room and she can see me from her pillow. She is laying there right now watching me as I type this. Every time I look her way to check on her she waves at me. It would be so very easy to go in there and snuggle up.

Tell me what you think. Is it going to be worth it? Should I not force it and enjoy these snuggles as long as she lets me? Why do we feel compelled to rush them through childhood? Why can't we hold on tight and keep them small as long as possible? Would it be so terrible if they depended on us for a while longer? Is there a way to pause time and or slow it down and cherish every moment a little longer?

I read other Moms in the bloggy world that are trying to speed up time. Trust me I have my moments for that too but right now I just want to stop time. I want to remember every smell, taste, sight, feeling and sound. The smell of sweaty hair after running around in the back yard. The taste of the food that she wants to "feed" me. The sight of her having the time of her life in the pool. Learning how to jump off the side of the wall without holding onto my hands. Without me even right there with her. The feeling of her wrapping her arms around my neck for a hug. The feeling of her reaching up and grabbing my hand. Not because we are in a parking lot but just because she wants to be connected to me. The feeling of her sleeping on me because she woke up from her nap a little to early. The sound of her giggling when I do something silly. The sound of her voice when she is being all sweet and loving. The sound of her singing with me.

Sorry I totally got off topic lol. To finish the sleeping thing she is finally asleep. I hope tomorrow night is easier!

The American Dream!

Some days I feel like I am living the All American Dream! Sure I spend a lot of my days doing laundry, dishes and cleaning but inbetween all of that it is full of moments of laughter and fun with my daughter and on a smaller scale because somebody has to bring home the bacon my hubby. I feel like a woman of days of old since I am doing so many things without equipment. You know hanging out laundry and dishes by hand etc. Oh and don't forget my vegetable garden outside. I feel like I have the life that I always wanted. To a lot of people this will sound stupid and well insane. Not only do I do tons of house work but I also have to give up a lot of extras in life. At first this was hard for me and even still today some days it is really hard but for the most part not so much. Sure I splurge every now and then like last week I had a pedicure with a friend. I was desperate you see. Sandal season is upon us and my feet were just shameful! Shameful I tell ya!

I would like to say thank you to all of those who help make this dream possible. My in-laws that are so good to us and so very helpful! My friends that help entertain me and Anna on days when I just need to get out and about. My hubby and Anna for making my life so rewarding and fun!

Happy Birthday Hubby!

You are 35 years old today! Goodness was I 13 when we started dating? ha ha just kidding! Your birthday is very special to me because you are special to me. 35 years ago the love of my life entered the world it would be many years before we would meet but it was destined to happen. You are a very special man! Not just to me but to your daughter, your parents, your sister, your friends, your church family and mostly to our Lord! You are an awesome husband and an awesome Dad and we are truly blessed to have you in our lives.

I would also like to take this opportunity to thank Lynn and Charles for bringing him into the world and raising him to be such a great guy. Lynn, you had such a rough time having him I commend you for your strength. A strength that you show many times over. A strength that you passed down to your son (and daughter). One day I will have to share with you all Chris's birth story. I will have to get permission from both Lynn and Chris it was pretty difficult and I am sure it is hard to relive. We can know with all of our hearts though that both of them definitely have a purpose and reason for being!

Happy Valentine's Day My Beautiful Girl

You have made mine and your Daddy's world complete. Life is a little sweeter, a little lighter and a lot more entertaining with you in it. We love you so much and are so very proud of you. You are wondering what some of the things we love about you are huh. Well, let me see...

1. 
   
   We love how you light up when you are proud of something you did. like when you master a new skill. or when you help us clean up something.


2. 
   
   We love when you try to copy things you see like dancing you see on tv. You do such a good job.


3. 
   
   We love how your smile lights up the room.


4. 
   
   We love how you like to have group hugs.


5. 
   
   We love how you take such good care of your babies.


6. 
   
   We love how you run around like a nut and look at us like we should be thrilled that you are doing it.


7. 
   
   We love how devoted you are to Buddy. He adores you more then any of us!


8. 
   
   We love that you love to read and sing.


9. 
   
   We love how much you talk. Your sentences are getting bigger and better every day. Maybe in another post I will ask you not to repeat the same questions over and over lol.


10. 
    
    We love how you have brought our family closer together.


11. 
    
    We love you just because you are YOU! We love you because you are the best gift God could have ever given us! You were so worth the wait!

This is just to name a few. You are stirring from your nap so I will stop here. Just know that you are loved and adored. No matter what the future brings we will stand beside you or behind you, where ever you need us!

Wordless Wednesday - My 2 True Loves!!!

LoveFest Part 1

The rest of the week I am going to have a LOVEFEST! I am going to start out with Anna's love. Anna and her Sweethearts! Love is in the air between these star crossed toddlers. The one on the right is this years young love. Anna and Brooks played hard for a few hours this morning at the park and had so much fun. They get together at least once a week and definitely see each other at church. The one on the left is last years baby love. He moved away and we still miss him and his family. They were so cute together. They would kiss on each other and hug on each other like they were truly and deeply in love. It was sweet. & of course innocent. Anna stayed with his Mommy when I was working and they were inseparable. We saw them at church every week as well. She is a lover not a fighter!

Oh I have a few meme's that have been sent to me so I will get to those ladies! Also, Cheryl is helping me fix a new and wonderful header for my blog. I am very excited about that! So come back to check me out later in the week. She is being super patient and helpful with it.

Oh Brother!

I realize that I have never talked about my brother much. I don't know why this is other than sometimes it still hurts to talk about him. He has been gone for 12 years now and that feels like a lifetime. He has been on my mind a lot lately. Therefore, I thought I would share a few stories about him that stand out in my mind.

He was a really funny kid. That was super skinny and all legs and arms. We would fight all the time and really enjoyed fighting probably like most siblings. We were opposites in that I was a little butter ball. I probably weighed more than him for most of our lives. Anyway, one day out in our little 3 foot pool he was splashing me. There is one thing that I really can't stand and that is someone splashing me in the face. I told him not once but 3 times to STOP SPLASHING MY FACE!!! Did he stop, oh no! So after telling him the third time when he did it again I went and grabbed him and shoved him under the water. My Dad was in the pool with us and was oblivious that his daughter was about to drown his son! My brother was struggling and I was relentless. My mother start yelling at my father to get me off him and I of course let him go. I don't think I would have drowned him I was just a child but I wanted to make sure he understood not to splash me in the face again. I don't think he ever did!

There was another time when he decided he was going to fix something while we were home alone. I can't remember what it was but he put a pot of water on to boil. He turned on the wrong eye though and turned on some grease that had been left on there from the night before or something. He didn't realize what had happened and poof the grease goes up in flames! He grabs it and puts it in the sink. Turns on the water and whoosh the flames went higher. My genius brother grabs one of the socks off of his feet and grabs the handle and runs it out the back door and tosses it out. He burnt his arm pretty good and scared the pee out of me. This was before cell phones so I couldn't get my parents. I had to call a neighbor down the street that was one of my best friends grandmother. She came down and doctored him up and made sure the house wasn't going to burn down. Good times lol!

One of the funniest things he did was when he was in trouble for something. Only the good Lord knows what cause he was in trouble ALL the time. Anyway, my Mother was trying to give him a spanking and he was older at this time probably 11 or so. Well, he dashed out the door and yelled back if she could catch him she could spank him lol. I think that was the last time she tried to spank him. I know she didn't catch him!

I remember huddling under the covers with him during storms and laughing at stupid jokes together. I remember digging in our yard and reaching red clay and thinking instead of digging to China we had been digging to hell. I am sure Robbie helped me come to that conclusion! I remember riding bikes down the street trying to keep up with him and going to our neighbors house and skate boarding down their driveway. Him the correct way, me sitting on my butt lol. Then when we got older I remember having crushes on a few of his friends ~ now I wonder why but hey I was just a kid. I remember hanging on for dear life as he would fly his little vw bug over big hills and curves. His friends would always tease me that they had to pry my hands off the seat to get me out of the car. I remember him blaring his hard rock music and me complaining because we had to listen to it when secretly I actually learned to love SOME of it lol.

Things went wrong after he got even older. He started drinking and constantly needing money for more drinks. I didn't cut him any slack with this and I wouldn't loan him money. I was really pretty hard on him and our relationship suffered for it. The last thing I remember about my brother was a few days before his accident he stopped by to get something and we actually talked and cut up together like the good ole days. Before he walked out the door he looked at me and said "Love you!" Probably not 3 days later he was in a horrible accident. We don't know if it was because of drinking and driving or not. I like to think he just lost control of the car but he wasn't tested for any of that so I will never know. I guess the odds are it was alcohol related. I just thank the Good Lord that no one else was involved in that accident.

Dealing with his death was and is one of the hardest things I have ever had to deal with. I wish with all my heart that he were here to enjoy Anna and to give me a hard time. I wish so many things that I don't even want to go there lol. Just know if you have a sibling in your life you are very lucky! Know that time is precious and oh so short and we are not guaranteed a tomorrow!

LIVE, LAUGH, LOVE!!!

Monday Musings

Yesterday I had a hard time paying attention in church. I don't know what my deal was but I really couldn't tell you one thing the preacher touched on. My mind would wonder off and I would try to pull myself back and then I was lost and it would wonder again. I guess it happens to us all at times. Last night I had choir practice we are getting ready for our Christmas program. I am doing a solo :P I will be singing the second verse of Away in a Manger. I am nervous about this considering I have not done a solo in ages! So I had a practice so that we could find the key for me and I did ok. Then I had nursery duty. It was just Anna and her friend Brooks. The lady I was with is in the Sunday School class I would be in if I weren't teaching. I am helping them with their part of the Christmas program scene. So we grabbed the preachers wife who happens to be the music lady and talked about what was what with everything. We got that all cleared up and then the other lady started talking about her divorce and subsequent counseling by a "Man of God". I won't go into any details because someone could read this that knows her and I don't want to go there. However I will tell you what the "man of God" told her that really threw me for a loop. He told her that because she filed for divorce (even though she didn't have an option) she didn't have the right to ever marry again. If she did she would be condemned to hell because she would be committing adultery every day of the rest of her life. This poor woman has struggled with this for the past 4 years and never even considered dating a man because she only wants to please God. Of course none of us KNOW how God feels about it. However, I feel that what that man said to her was awful and cruel almost as awful as what her husband did to her. In my limited education of what the Lord thinks and feels or wants from us I like to think that my God is a forgiving God, a loving God and a God that wants us to be happy and to thrive. If all of that is true why would he want this wonderful woman to be lonely and depressed for the rest of her life? Would he want to punish her because her husband turned into a creep?

Christianity

Well, the weekend has come and gone. It went by way to fast. It was a flurry of activity. Going down town with my hubby and Anna. Meeting friends for dinner. Teaching Sunday School for the first time ever and joining the choir. Anna did great in the nursery woo hoo. My poor hubby spent most of yesterday afternoon and all of today, well after church, doing homework.

Sometimes, when I am at church I feel like such a phoney. I am a Christian I can tell you all about coming to the Lord. It was a very magical moment for me really. I was in our church back home and I believe it was during revival, not sure. I was standing there and I was holding on to the pew in front of me so tight I had white knuckles. Then all of a sudden I realized I was walking down the isle. I don't even remember stepping out. I was 16 I think, maybe 15. OK so my memory isn't clear lol. But it is all there. I began my journey that day.

It has been a good journey for the most part.

I have had my good moments. I was in the hospital with my MIL after she had surgery and her nurse was a girl that had gone to my church. She was a youth and I was a young adult helping the youth. She said she would never ever forget me because when she was ready to make that leap of faith I was there to hold her hand and go with her. I don't really remember that day but it makes me feel good that I had such an impact on her life.

I have had my bad moments. You know the missed chances of sharing your belief with someone. Saying bad words or having bad thoughts. Doing bad things, knowing they are wrong and doing it anyway. These are the things that make me feel like a phoney. These are the things that make me feel unworthy of sharing the Lord. Today our preacher was going over our plan for the church for the next 5 years. He said that we all needed to be above reproach making the best example possible. I know that if someone looked at my life and saw some of the things I have done they would think, humph and she's a Christian? I have screwed up and I have done things I am not proud of. However, I have confessed these things to the Lord and I have begged for forgiveness. I believe that we do need to strive to be in God's image but we need to allow each other to make mistakes. We need to forgive ourselves and each other. We need to expect mistakes but how we handle the mistakes makes the difference. Maybe that is what the preacher was talking about. I mean God knows none of us are perfect, it is impossible to be perfect. So maybe it is how we handle our screw ups, our personal failures that will make us above reproach.

I have held onto anger and bitterness towards my Mother. That is one of my issues. I don't feel like I am really holding onto it much anymore but a part of me does. A part of me feels like it is impossible to get over it. It goes back so far that it just seems to be a part of me. The Bible says to honor your father and mother. I haven't done that for a long time. I honestly don't know that I will ever be able to do that. I will start praying about it though. I can't do it alone but with the Lord's help I can. I have to be willing to really mean it and open my heart to it and let me tell you that is the hard part. I have other issues that I won't go into lol cause, well some things are just private, right? Just say a passing prayer for me if you have a spare second. Thank you!!!

I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me. ~ Philippians 4:13

Happy Birthday Anna Sophia!

2 years ago today you came into this world. It was a beautiful and extremely hot day. We went to the hospital anticipating your arrival and you didn't disappoint. You were so perfect in every way except for being so very tiny! I knew from the moment they put you in my arms that you were the very reason I was put here. You were and continue to be my life.

You have been such a blessing to me and your Daddy too. You light up the room any time you walk into it. Your smile and laugh are enough to brighten the darkest of days. When you cry, I want to cry! You monkey around and we all crack up. Just tonight at dinner you wanted dessert so you weren't going to eat. Knowing how you like to make people pretend cry I told you if you would take a bite I would cry out of shear joy. You took bite after bite just to see my antics with crying. Other times when you know I am upset and really crying you come over to make sure I am K! You are such a sweet girl and I thank God for you each and every day!

So Happy Birthday baby girl!!! I am proud of the little girl you are turning into and I am proud to say I am your Mommy! Thank you for being the best of me and your Daddy. Thank you for aiming to be the best that you can be and for caring about others even at such a young age. Thank you for being YOU!!!

My hopes and dreams for you are simple. I hope that you can find happiness in the simple pleasures around us daily. I hope that you can find a man as good as your Daddy! I hope you become a woman of many talents, much confidence and a strong sense of who you are and where you are going. I hope that you always know, no matter what, your Mommy and Daddy are here for you and will do anything we can to make your world a better place. I hope that you can learn from your mistakes and grow from them. That is a tough lesson but an important one. I hope that you become the best person that you can be. That you trust God and love him unconditionally. I hope that you can find something that you love to do and find a way to do it. I know that you will be an amazing child and woman. You already are and I can't wait to watch you grow and learn, change and expand your horizons, love and play and just be yourself. You are a true delight and I am truly blessed to be your Mommy!!!

Unconditional Love!

Have you ever experienced that moment when you know that you are your childs EVERYTHING!?! That is an amazing moment, isn't it. Last night I put Anna down and plopped down at the computer to do a little blogging/and reading of other blogs. About an hour later she woke up crying and I went in to see if perhaps it was just a bad dream. She was awake so I climbed in with her (I am so glad she is in a big girl bed). She curled up next to me as close as she could get and when she felt me moving to get up she sat up. She then laid her head on my chest and curled her little tiny precious arm right around my neck! I stayed for a while just basking in the moment. Of course there have been other times that I have felt the incredible love of my daughter but this one just seemed so innocent and so pure I had to share!

Happy Anniversary - Hubby!

11 years with me and not to many complaints you deserve a medal!!! I don't have one to give you so I will just sing your praises to the blogosphere instead.

You have been so good to me through thick and thin. You have suffered through chicken so dry you need a whole glass of water to swallow one bite. Thankfully I can cook better now I just need to expand my menus lol. You suffered through numerous years of me yammering at you about wanting a baby. You suffered through many years of me not taking your advice and always regretting it. You have suffered through my terribly difficult pregnancy and draining first few months of doing nothing but nursing and sleeping.

You have been patient through it all and I greatly appreciate everything. You have been my rock, my love, my lover and best of all my best friend! So thank you for being everything to me for the past and continuing to be everything to me through the future. Our future is unknown at this point. We don't know where we will be in a year or what we will be doing but knowing you will be with me makes it all ok. Where ever we end up will be ok with me! I love you very much!

Yours Truely,

Candi

Just my thoughts - not a debate

There is something I don't understand about a relatively new practice in America. Anna is such a sweet and innocent child grant it she has her moments but really overall she is still a sweet and innocent child. How can a mother make such a sweet, innocent child cry it out? This seems to be a common trend these days with some mothers and if you are one of them I am sorry I don't mean to offend or start a debate. I just don't understand how or even why this happens.

If you look at it over the course of a persons life they are little and dependent for such a short time. Why do we feel all consumed with making them independent so quickly. I want Anna to feel safe and secure for as long as possible. I want her to know that at any given moment if she needs me I will be there if at all possible. I am hoping that this will lead to a feeling of safety, security and Independence as she grows older. I am going with the build her up instead of knock her down theory. She will learn soon enough in this great big world that not everyone can be trusted and that sometimes we aren't even safe in our own home. She knows that she is well loved and if some look at it like we are spoiling her or catering to her then so be it. I brought her into the world it wasn't her choice it was ours and thankfully God decided to grant her to us. I feel that for a while we should at least make her feel like her world is as close to perfect as we can make it. That doesn't mean that she is let run wild and crazy. She minds very well and even says please and thank you .

No one knows how a child will turn out when they grow up. No one knows if the way they parent is right or wrong. The only thing we do know is what feels right to us and for me nurturing and loving Anna is what feels right. We still rock her to sleep and if she wakes up (which really isn't often) I go climb in bed with her until she goes back to sleep it really works for us. If you feel that leaving your baby in the room to cry / work things out for themselves is right for you then go for it (I guess). Just remember that all things will pass and the time that our children want us to cuddle and snuggle and love on them is so fleeting missing out on a second of it is really a shame. I know all about sleep deprivation! Anna was up every hour and a half when she was an infant probably up until she was 4 months and then up every 3 or 4 after she was about 7 months. We did have that brief period between 4-7 months where she slept through the night (without crying it out) and now finally after getting up at least 1 time a night forever she is finally sleeping through the night most nights. For those of us that don't cry it out there is hope for sleeping through the night hang in there. Your time for sleep will come back soon.

OK so this is just my thoughts on the whole thing it is probably jumpy but I just wanted to get it out. I have been listening to people talk about it a lot lately and it just bothers me. I even had a friend tell me she would do it for me if I wanted her too. No thanks is all I can say!

Happy Father's Day!

I am truly blessed in the Dad department. Not only do I have a wonderful Dad (that I don't get to see nearly enough) but I also have a wonderful Daddy-in-law! Both are wonderful men in there own way.

My Daddy when I was growing up was wonderful. He was that silent strength you know what I am talking about. He was always there but usually not overly verbal in his support. Some of my best memories growing up are of my Dad. One of the funniest (not to him) was when we were on our way to Daytona Beach for vacation. It was me, my brother, my parents and my aunt and uncle. We stopped at a burger place I think it was called "What a Burger" or something like that. So we place our order and my brother carries all the bags to the table and proceeds to go through them looking for his order. My Dad in his starved and sleep deprived state thought he was going to eat them all or something lol. So he grabbed the empty bag and whacked my brother on the head! The look on my brothers face was pretty priceless. I can still see it even though it has been YEARS - DECADES even!!! There is the ton of memories of playing in the pool in our backyard or camping. Another good one is when I scared at least 10 years off of my Daddy's life when he gave me my first driving lesson! He wanted me to drive a stick shift so he started teaching me in our OLD beatle bug. You know the ones before they became popular again. Well, I was doing pretty good. Instead of doing that jerky start I squealed the tires. Woo Hoo!!! So we get close to the end of our road and he says turn here on the dirt road. So ummm me in my literal brain said ok and took the turn going at least 35 MPH (after all he didn't tell me to slow down). It freaked me out because as soon as I realized what I did I knew it was wrong and I didn't know how to gear down or how to fix it! So the genius that I was closed my eyes and took the hands off the wheel! My Dad with his silent strength didn't panic he grabbed the wheel and did whatever it took to keep us from going through the house on the corner of that dirt road. If I really think about it that is how I always saw my Dad. The one that I could close my eyes and let go with and know that he would be there! So Happy Father's Day Daddy!!! I am sorry that I don't get to see you much and mostly I am sorry that you don't get to see Anna enough!

My Father-in-law is an incredible man too. I obviously haven't know him as long but our relationship is just as good. He is the guy that was the football star in high school, can still dance like the prom king (I don't know if he was one or not). I love to watch him and my mother-in-law dance. They can shag like nobody else I know. Big Daddy is a lot of fun to be around but if you ever need someone on your side he is the go to guy. He has gotten me out of my share of jams! I would have to say my best memories with Big Daddy are of him and Anna. After we had Anna he has become a different man. He is silly, outrageous and well honestly hysterical!!! There is nothing funnier than watching such a big rough and tumble looking guy play dolls, color or whatever Anna decides he needs to do. She can tell him to sit and he will do it but for some reason it only works for Anna lol. He was the first one to keep Anna at night. He did this for me to go to a Kenny Rogers concert with Casey and Lynn. (this is before she was totally weaned.) He said it was going great until she got tired but he just couldn't do anything with her then. So he held her until she cried herself to sleep. We got home and all the lights were on in the house and we walked through to the back room where Anna was sleeping and he was sitting on the edge of the bed watching her sleep because he didn't want her to fall out of the bed. Any man that is that wonderful with my daughter is, well, wonderful!!! I knew he was before Anna but he shows me now every time he is with Anna. Even when he is nervous that her bite is to big or she is running to fast . That is how he shows that he loves her to pieces and can't bare to live without her!

Thank you both for being such great Dad's!!!

Thank you Anna!!!

Have you ever thought about how much we depend on our children? It seems like we bring this little baby into the world and they depend solely on us for EVERYTHING. Well, since I lost my job I have discovered how much I depend on Anna. She brings joy and laughter into my life when everything else seems blah. She keeps me grounded and focused. It seems wrong to take so much from my little girl but she gives it willingly. She offers up hugs and kisses, smiles and giggles without my ever asking for it. She is a gem ~ one that I hope will grow up and know that she is loved and cherished and so very appreciated!!! I thank GOD for her everyday and I hope that I can be worthy of such an amazing gift!

No Sweeter Sound!!!

Have you ever heard a sweeter sound than the laughter of Daddy and Daughter twisting and mixing together. Because I just have to say I haven't!!! Anna was doing tubby time and her Daddy was kind enough to finish it up so that I could do a few other things. They had so much fun it made my heart swell. They are still having fun. Playing and laughing and wrestling around. I love my family so much!!! They are the most important thing in the world to me!!!

I have never told you about the first time Anna blessed us with her laughter. It was Christmas time and I was watching White Christmas with her Daddy. Well if you have ever seen White Christmas you will now the scene where they are on the train and sing the snow song. Well, I was attempting to make the chuga chuga train sound to Anna. Well apparently this was the funniest sound ever because Anna busted out with this rolling belly laugh! It was a very sweet moment for me! It is hard to believe that was over a year ago.