New Beginnings!

I have spent the past 4 days soaking up some of the sunshine and airing my house out. I love when it is time to open the windows and let all of that fresh air flow through the house. I feel like life is getting a fresh start. I see the buds on the trees where the leaves are going to pop open any day and the green of the flowers that are breaking through the ground. All signs of Spring, my favorite season until Summer comes and the Fall and Winter lol. There are good things about each season. I love them all but Spring really is like a new beginning and what is not to love about that!

My new beginning comes this year and I am taking advantage of it. For a few years I have been in a funk and unable to release myself from it. I finally opened my heart and mind (which was the hardest of the two) around the fact that I am lovable! I am forgiven! I am an amazing person! Sounds kinda cocky or something when I read it but it is SO true. My God sent his son just for ME and well all of you too lol. But in my world He sent him for ME! He died on that cross for ME! As my preacher said this morning there is nothing I can face that he won't have my back. If I bang my head into the wall trying to figure things out, that is my fault cause he is always with ME! He WANTS to help ME! He WANTS to show ME what path to take! He WANTS ME to be happy! Jesus is MY friend and I praise God for making that possible! Have you had your new beginning?

My world is opening in bloom all around me and I am cherishing every moment! Knowing that God loved ME enough to provide beauty and a new beginning for the earth to show me exactly what he is talking about. God didn't make mistakes, He didn't do things and just wait to see what would happen. He knew that every year the winter would kill off most things and then in the Spring it would all come back even more beautiful than the year before. Just like the earth He wipes away our sin and brings us back even more beautiful than before. He continues to do that for us EVERY day! You ask him to forgive you for your sin (and yes we do continue to sin) and he forgets it. He is the only one that will truly forgive and forget!

Thank you Lord for giving me a fresh start! Thank you for helping me through my hard times! Thank you for forgiving me of my sins! Thank you for providing joy and peace and love in my world! Thank you for never giving up on me even when I gave up on myself and you!

Neighborhood Drama!

So my crazy ex-neighbor has finally gone over the deep end! I have been trying to ignore her phone calls for 3 weeks because I just don't want to be involved in her drama any longer. So yesterday she pops up at my house and I just try to rush her out without upsetting her because well honestly she does have mental issues and I don't want to upset her. Anywho, while she was here she went on about how angry she was with her ex that happens to still live next door. About 20-30 minutes after she left my neighbor came over asking if she had been over at his house. I informed him that she had been here but I didn't know about over there. Apparently after leaving here she went over and keyed his new car. He said he was going to have to file ANOTHER police report and being confused I said what do you mean another one! He told me how over Christmas "someone" ran into his garage and damaged it pretty badly. He even went to get pictures to share with me. WOW that is pretty terrible I have to say. I mean I knew my "friend" was not doing well but WOW!!! I seriously cannot have Anna around someone that is doing this. But back to the story, a little while later Anna and I were in the yard playing and a cop pulls up next door and he shows her the car and explains everything to her and she comes over here to question me. I told her that yes she was here and yes she said she was very angry at the neighbor and no we aren't really good friends and I am trying to figure out how to get out of it totally. She told me if he gets a restraining order she won't be able to come here either. In light of what we have discovered we decided that we would try to cut ties without upsetting her to much. When she called this morning Anna & I were still in bed and my hubby decided he would call her back and explain that we like both her and our neighbor and we feel like we are being drawn into the middle of something ugly. That once they work through there crap we would love to hang out with them both. But for now we don't feel like she should come over here and I am not going to hang out with her either. He said it as nicely as you can say something like this! She called back shortly there after and said that he didn't have to worry that she would never contact us again and it was real Christian of us to do this to her and I was a real coward cause I didn't do it myself. What a run on sentence lol. Anywho, I probably should have done it myself but I always botch things like that up and make matters worse so it was for the best this way. As for it not being very Christian - I do worry about that! I mean yes I feel like I have done everything I can to help her on one hand but on the other is it Christian to give up on someone? If Anna weren't in the picture it would probably be different I just can't have Anna around someone that is not stable.

Tell me what you think! Did we do the right thing? Was it not very Christian of us? What would you do?

Christianity

Well, the weekend has come and gone. It went by way to fast. It was a flurry of activity. Going down town with my hubby and Anna. Meeting friends for dinner. Teaching Sunday School for the first time ever and joining the choir. Anna did great in the nursery woo hoo. My poor hubby spent most of yesterday afternoon and all of today, well after church, doing homework.

Sometimes, when I am at church I feel like such a phoney. I am a Christian I can tell you all about coming to the Lord. It was a very magical moment for me really. I was in our church back home and I believe it was during revival, not sure. I was standing there and I was holding on to the pew in front of me so tight I had white knuckles. Then all of a sudden I realized I was walking down the isle. I don't even remember stepping out. I was 16 I think, maybe 15. OK so my memory isn't clear lol. But it is all there. I began my journey that day.

It has been a good journey for the most part.

I have had my good moments. I was in the hospital with my MIL after she had surgery and her nurse was a girl that had gone to my church. She was a youth and I was a young adult helping the youth. She said she would never ever forget me because when she was ready to make that leap of faith I was there to hold her hand and go with her. I don't really remember that day but it makes me feel good that I had such an impact on her life.

I have had my bad moments. You know the missed chances of sharing your belief with someone. Saying bad words or having bad thoughts. Doing bad things, knowing they are wrong and doing it anyway. These are the things that make me feel like a phoney. These are the things that make me feel unworthy of sharing the Lord. Today our preacher was going over our plan for the church for the next 5 years. He said that we all needed to be above reproach making the best example possible. I know that if someone looked at my life and saw some of the things I have done they would think, humph and she's a Christian? I have screwed up and I have done things I am not proud of. However, I have confessed these things to the Lord and I have begged for forgiveness. I believe that we do need to strive to be in God's image but we need to allow each other to make mistakes. We need to forgive ourselves and each other. We need to expect mistakes but how we handle the mistakes makes the difference. Maybe that is what the preacher was talking about. I mean God knows none of us are perfect, it is impossible to be perfect. So maybe it is how we handle our screw ups, our personal failures that will make us above reproach.

I have held onto anger and bitterness towards my Mother. That is one of my issues. I don't feel like I am really holding onto it much anymore but a part of me does. A part of me feels like it is impossible to get over it. It goes back so far that it just seems to be a part of me. The Bible says to honor your father and mother. I haven't done that for a long time. I honestly don't know that I will ever be able to do that. I will start praying about it though. I can't do it alone but with the Lord's help I can. I have to be willing to really mean it and open my heart to it and let me tell you that is the hard part. I have other issues that I won't go into lol cause, well some things are just private, right? Just say a passing prayer for me if you have a spare second. Thank you!!!

I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who Strengthens Me. ~ Philippians 4:13