Something to Talk About

All through the past 18+ years, I have felt alone at certain times. I was sure I was the only one experiencing something or I felt like people would think I was crazy if I asked about it. As the years go by I am discovering more and more that if I had only opened up to people far more would have understood than I ever imagined. 

I have started a group at my church on Wednesday night that serves this purpose. We will spend time talking about subjects that a lot of us go through but we just don't talk to people about. I am excited about digging in and helping other moms feel less alone. Maybe even helping them navigate through something I went through - without as many roadblocks as I hit!

So my first 3 topics have been decided but I am looking ahead and trying to find ideas. If you have anything as a mom that you struggle with I would love to hear from you. It will help me find topics that matter!

My first 3 topics are:

Anger - Have you ever been angry at your precious angel? Goodness mornings were rough on me! My non-morning child hated her socks! Yup you heard me! We would fight over her socks EVERY SINGLE MORNING! Some days I would want to scream! Anger... How do we deal with it? Why do we feel it? How can we control it? How do we teach our children to deal with anger?

Being Consistent - Life is a challenge! Sometimes being consistent feels like the hardest thing ever! It can be in the form of punishment, having a life-altering event happen and keeping things "normal" for your children, bedtime routines, or just doing what you say you will do. How can we be consistent? Why should we be consistent? What are we teaching our children through being either consistent or not?

Quality Time! - As a previous stay-at-home mom if you look at quantity of time spent with my daughter it was a lot. If you look at quality of time that would depend on the day. The holidays are a lovely time of year for time spent with family! How can we make our time count with our kids? How can we make sure we aren't distracted when having time with them? What does quality time look like? 

I am so excited about this! Just so you know I don't really have the answers to all of these questions. Some will look different for each person. We will have to find our own answers. It will be beautiful having people sharing what works for them. We will learn so much from each other!

If you could pick a topic what would that be?

18 Things I Have Learned Through The Years

We celebrated our daughters 18th birthday not long ago! That seems so crazy to me! How did 18 years go by so fast? I remember my parents saying that time flies. I didn't really believe them when I was younger but I have noticed that it seems to get faster and faster the older you get. Anyway, in honor of Anna's 18th birthday how about I tell you 18 things that I have learned through the years. 

1. Always be open to changing your mind! The old saying is true: Never say never! If you are open-minded and willing to view things from different angles life is much easier. ie: I was never going to co-sleep - Anna wouldn't sleep if we didn't. Mama needs plenty of sleep so guess what I did!?! 

2. Live in the moment! Don't get lost behind a phone, camera, work, or whatever else can take you away from important and even small moments. I know easier said than done sometimes. I feel like I was very intentional in doing this (even though I wasn't perfect in it.) but I still feel like I missed so much!

3. Be in the pictures! I may not love how I look in pictures but I try to make sure I am in some. One day those memories will be even more important! 

4. Everyone is different! I thought that Anna would be a mini-me in most ways. Turns out she isn't! She is her own person with many differences from me. In fact, she is more like Chris in personality. She has helped me understand him more in many ways. Anyway, I can't expect her to do things I would do because that is not who she is.  

5. My dishes will not need therapy! That was a common thought when Anna was little. As an only child, I was called on to be her playmate more than I ever imagined. I decided that some things were more important and dishes and a spotless house were not one of them. Dishes wouldn't need therapy whereas Anna might if I am always consumed with cleaning. I can now cherish all of the memories of us playing together. Her favorite for a long time was working in a restaurant. It cracks me up that she is now working in a restaurant doing all the things she use to pretend to do. 

6. Discipline is important but it looks different for every child! Anna was a difficult one to figure out but luckily she wasn't naughty often. We figured out early on that spanking didn't work. Time out was eh. We discovered that talking to her and explaining what was wrong and what we expected from her was the best approach. She is a rule follower so as long as she understands the rules...

7. Be involved at school! Anna started homeschooling at 6th grade. Prior to that I made sure all of the teachers and staff knew me (and liked me). I knew that I had many people in that school that would look out for Anna and would contact me if I needed to know anything. I also had many parent friends that were in and out that would keep me updated if needed.

8. Taking walks and car rides are a great time to have serious discussions! For whatever reason it is easier for kids to have serious talks when they don't have to look at you. 

9. Trust your gut! There have been times when I have followed my gut and times when I have ignored it. If I had followed it more often I would've struggled less.

10. They will know what is important to you by the places you go, things you say, and friends you have. Make sure they are things you and they can be proud of. 

11. Speaking of words you say: I have never really had a potty mouth but I had to stop using words like c r a p because it was not nice hearing my 2 year old say it! They will parrot what you say use your words wisely!

12. Friendships! It can be difficult to find friends even for children. It can be a balancing act when they are navigating through difficult situations with a friend. Always encourage them to talk things out and to be honest. If the friendship doesn't make it love on them and remind them that they are loveable. Friendships will come and go. Be sure to fill them with encouragement!

13. Let them be children as long as possible. If they want to believe in make believe things longer than most that is ok. If they want to hold your hand while walking that is great. If they want to play with legos - they make an easy Christmas gift! Don't rush them! 

14. Let them ask questions! In fact, encourage it! We would do random thoughts by Anna. Mostly in the morning. We covered a lot of random topics and it was one of my favoite things we did. Sometimes it would be her telling me what she had learned, other times it would be her asking questions.

15. Creativity is a beautiful way to let them express themselves. Creativity can look different for everyone. Anna loves photography, painting, drawing, and writing. I prefer graphic design, writing, and coloring. Help your little one explore and find how they like to be creative. When you are creating that is a good time to have good conversations.

16. Don't be afraid to be honest with them. They are children and don't need to be pulled into adult stuff. However, sometimes they know something is wrong and the unknown can be worse than whatever is going on. Try to be honest but on their level. You know your child better than anyone, you know what they can and can't handle.

17. Go make memories! I know sometimes money can be tight and you worry about how much things will cost and if you can afford it. There are so many free options out there that are just as much fun if not more! Look around in your community, town, near you for things to do. Sometimes just going to the park to play can be fun. Finding a trail to hike on, Going to the water (pond, river, creek, ocean, lake) and stick your toes in or go swimming if it is warm enough. Go do sidewalk chalk outside, watch the leaves dance, have a game night. There are many options! 

18. Having a child is a huge blessing and a HUGE responsibility! I often say being a Mom has been the best thing I have ever done but it has also been the hardest. Just when you figure one phase out and how to naviate it, they are moving into a new phase. It is a juggling act learning how much responsibility to give them and how much to let them stretch their wings. The decisions we make will set the course of life they will start on as a young adult. That is a HUGE responsibility. Sometimes I feel like I did well and other times I feel like I didn't do enough. 

My job as a parent is not done even though she is 18! I am moving into the next phase. Now I get to be on the sidelines while she continues to learn how to navigate this big scary world. I will be her loudest cheerleader and coach. I will be here whenever she needs me and hope to continue doing some of the things on this list like Random Thoughts with Anna. I will miss some of her earlier phases but I am excited about this new one! 

I will give you one last lesson I learned: find something good about each phase. It makes those difficult phases a little easier to bare. Your little one won't stay with anyone else - it is because they feel safe and loved by you. My 2 year old is throwing a tantrum - they are learning to communicate when they are unhappy or mad. etc... Each phase brings its own set of challenges and its own set of rewards. 

PS. Anna  said no one would even know what I meant in #17 with leaves dancing, so I thought I would explain it. She has a tree outside her window and the slightest breeze would make the leaves twirl and bounce. She thought they were dancing and loved to watch them. She would doze off after watching for a short while. 

Grief sucks!

Some days I feel like I am beginning to feel "normal" such as it is and everything will be ok. Other times I feel like a wave has crashed over me and I can't seem to find my breath. I do know that this too shall pass and ultimately I am ok. I also know that grief sucks! It doesn't just magically go away at the 6-month mark or 1-year mark. I have heard grief described as the ocean. Sometimes you are in between the waves and sometimes the waves are crashing over you. I feel like that is the best description of grief that I have seen. 

A few weeks ago I had my birthday. I have always loved my birthday and would celebrate as much of the month as I could, lol. Of course, now I have to share the month with my daughter, but she was the best gift ever! Anyway, this year was the first year that I didn't have my parents or at least one of them call me and sing me "Happy Birthday". I don't know why that hit me so hard but it really did. One of the highlights of my day was always Mom singing off key and Dad singing as loud and proud and goofy as he could. It hit me I will never get that again! Honestly, my birthday was rough! I am blessed with great co-workers, friends, family, and an amazing daughter and husband. They all worked very hard to help me feel special, appreciated, and loved! Don't ever take for granted the love of your parents! Soak in those moments and make memories because you don't know when your last will be. 

I feel like I should add I do have some of the best in-laws too! My Mother-in-law never fails to find the perfect card to make me laugh. She has a way of knowing what I need a lot of the time! My Sister-in-law is the absolute best! She is the sister that I never had and didn't realize I needed! I cherish these relationships! 

When I am under the wave and can't find my way out I try to remember the people that love me, need me, and, want me! I also remind myself of this verse!

I am not walking through this grief alone! My God is walking with me. Sometimes He is in front of me (leading the way), sometimes beside me (holding my hand and encouraging me as I go), and other times behind me (probably shoving me through). I honestly don't know how someone would get through the mountains of emotions we call grief without knowing God! 

I will continue my journey each day with a prayer and trust that God is in control even when things feel out of control! I will look for joy in my journey and always look for the good around me! I will not think of my grief as a problem to solve. I will look at it as a blessing because without great love, I wouldn't have such deep grief!

Leave me an encouraging scripture in the comments or in the form on the side! I love seeing what verses lift others when they are down!

Japanese Yumminess!

I love Japanese food! (Well, some of it.) My favorite is hibachi chicken or hibachi steak and of course fried rice! My family prefers chicken, so my daughter and I have been trying to perfect the recipe. I will share the full recipe for chicken hibachi, hibachi vegetables, and fried rice. I will give you the recipes and then I will follow it with a step-by-step with pictures and tips! 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Chicken- 

2 -3 chicken breasts (chopped into bite-size pieces) 

1 tbsp vegetable oil 

1/2 tsp sesame seed oil 

1.5 tbsp butter (real butter) 

3 tbsp soy sauce (I use the light most of the time) 

2 tsp lemon juice (I use the real lemon in the bottle) 

salt and pepper to taste 

 Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and sesame oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the chicken, 3 tbsp of soy sauce, 1.5 tbsp of butter, 2 tsp of lemon juice, and salt and pepper. Saute the chicken for 6-8 minutes or until no longer pink. Set the chicken and remaining juice aside in a bowl. At the same time that you cook the chicken, you can be cooking the veggies. 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Vegetables- 

1 tbsp vegetable oil 

1/2 tsp sesame seed oil 

1 large white onion 

 2-3 zucchini 

1 tbsp butter 

2 tbsp soy sauce 

salt and pepper to taste 

Dice the white onion. The zucchini can be quartered or cut into circles. We did circles this time, and last time we quartered them. Both ways will work. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the white onion, zucchini, 1 tbsp of butter, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, salt ad pepper. Saute veggies until veggies are tender (maybe 10-12 minutes). 

 -Recipe for Hibachi Fried Rice- 

 6 cups cooked rice (cold) 

2 tbsp vegetable oil 

1/2 cup white onion (Finely chopped)

1/2 tsp garlic 

1 large egg 

4 tbsp butter 

4 tbsp soy sauce 

Heat 2 tbsp of vegetable oil on medium/high heat in the pan where you prepared the chicken. Add the onion and saute for 3-4 minutes. Add garlic (roughly 1/2 tsp) after the onions have cooked for a minute or 2. Move the onions to one side of the pan when they are tender and translucent. Add the egg (you can do 2 if you prefer more) and scramble them as you add them to the skillet Once scrambled add 4 tbsp of butter and then the rice. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add 4 tbsp soy sauce and continue to cook for an additional minute. Add 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil. Give it a good toss. I typically like to add the chicken and the leftover juice into the pot with the rice. You don't have to add the chicken, you can have it on the side but taste the rice to see if you need to add more soy sauce. 

Now for the step-by-step and additional tips. Prep all of your veggies and chicken, and gather your ingredients before you start. The prep work will help with the timing and ease of cooking! Trust me, I am ALL about easy work!

So the first thing you will do is chop/dice your zucchini and onions. You can of course add more veggies to your rice. If you want to add peas or carrots or whatever just make sure those are ready.

Now cut your chicken into bite sizes. The smaller the bite the faster it cooks. Do better than me and cut them all the same size or close to it. 

Now the chicken and vegetables can cook at the same time. 

I start my chicken and then the veggies. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and sesame oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the chicken, 3 tbsp of soy sauce, 1.5 tbsp of butter, 2 tsp of lemon juice, and salt and pepper. Saute the chicken for 6-8 minutes or until no longer pink. If you have a meat thermometer, you can check to make sure they are 165 in the center. Set the chicken and remaining juice aside in a bowl. 

After you get the chicken started move to the vegetables. Heat 1 tbsp of vegetable oil and 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil in a large skillet or wok on medium/high heat. Add the white onion, zucchini, 1 tbsp of butter, 2 tbsp of soy sauce, salt ad pepper. Saute veggies until veggies are tender (maybe 10-12 minutes). I do tend to let mine cook the rest of the time I cook. My family likes them really tender. Next time I make this, I am going to add some mushrooms! 

The most important note to make about the rice is to make it well in advance. I make it the night before I plan to make this dish. I add the butter and salt when I cook it, just as if it was going with dinner that night. 

 It needs to be cold, not just room temp. Cook it at a higher temp than your other dishes. You will have to stir it often! 

 Heat 2 tbsp of vegetable oil on medium/high heat in the pan where you prepared the chicken. Add the onion and saute for 3-4 minutes. Add garlic (roughly 1/2 tsp) after the onions have cooked for a minute or 2. Move the onions to one side of the pan when they are tender and translucent. Add the egg (you can do 2 if you prefer more) and scramble them as you add them to the skillet Once scrambled add 4 tbsp of butter and then the rice. Cook for 5 minutes, stirring frequently. Add 4 tbsp soy sauce and continue to cook for an additional minute. Add 1/2 tsp of sesame seed oil. Give it a good toss. Now I typically like to add the chicken and the leftover juice into the pot with the rice. You don't have to add the chicken, you can have it on the side but taste the rice to see if you need to add more soy sauce. 

Sesame seed oil is kind of strong. Don't get to heavy handed with it. It does add great flavor though, so don't leave it out! Oh, and don't forget the yum yum sauce. You can get it at the grocery store. I get the spicy and original. 

I hope your family will enjoy this as much as mine! If you have any suggestions on how to make it better, please share them in the comments!

PS Picture creds go to my amazing daughter! Thanks Anna for taking pictures for me!

Dear Younger Me

Dear 17-year-old Candi,

Wow, I can't believe you are turning 49 in just a few days! Where did the time go, seriously!?! 

The first thing I want you to know is time will start flying by (just like your parents said - believe them!) Because time really does go by quickly I want you to live in the moment! Stop worrying about tomorrow or regretting things in the past! Live for today and enjoy where you are at all times! Even the bad days will have some good mixed in them. Be sure to look for the good in all situations. We don't usually have trouble with that but there are times when we get bogged down in the bad and can't find our way out. 

Another IMPORTANT bit of advice for you is do NOT be afraid to ask for help. If you are overwhelmed talk to someone! So many times we bottle things up and think we can fix them or change them by ourselves and trust me it is much easier if you share the burden. 

Marriage: It is a beautiful part of life but it is no walk in the park! Marriage is hard! However, it is worth the effort! Put in the work. Open up more, learn to communicate, and learn to actively listen! Trust your spouse to be your partner in life and lean on him when things get hard! Also be there for him when he is struggling! I can guarantee you will not give or receive 100% all the time. As long as you both push yourself to give as much as you possibly can,  and you are giving each other grace when you can't give as much as usual, you will make it!

Children: I know you want to be a mom more than anything. Be patient! Your time will come. It will just not be as soon as you would like. Trust that God has a plan and a reason for that plan. When you have a precious baby love every moment! Don't get distracted by life and things around you. Stay in the moment. Even the terrible 3's have moments you want to hold on to. Every stage has something incredible to experience. Every stage has something you are going to look back on and miss. You won't even realize it but suddenly you will wonder when the last time you did _____ was. You will wonder why you didn't know it was the last time you were going to do ____ so you could savor the moment. 

Aging Parents: Your parents are not as young as they use to be. They will not be around forever. Don't let the past keep you from building and repairing your relationships with them. Your parents love you even when they don't know how to show it. They love you even when you don't feel like they do! You are loved and they want what is best for you. Let the bad go and focus on the good. Don't wait for them to get sickly to start mending fences! Spend as much time with them as you can. Time is something you won't regret.

Aging ME: Again, I can't believe I am turning 49! Love yourself through the good and bad. Give yourself grace when you don't do what you should but push yourself to do better. If you stick with something long enough it will get easier. STOP drinking soda! Just don't do it!!! When you get Covid don't sit still and get pneumonia. Your feet will never be the same after Covid, or at least not a year later! Get in shape before you get there because it just gets harder! Always love yourself! You are beautiful! You are smart! You are worth it!

Enjoy your life! It is a good life. You will have some good adventures and make some great memories. Love God, love people, think before you react, and always choose things that bring you peace and joy! Buckle up buttercup it will be a bumpy ride!

Love Always,

Older Candace

What would you tell your younger or older self?

Life is what happens when you are making plans!

 When I was younger, I loved to make plans. I loved daydreaming about where I would be in 5 years or 10 years. Where would we be living, what would would my daughter be like, etc... What I didn't realize was that while I was daydreaming, planning, and working towards my goals life was passing. Here I am, almost 50 and some days I wonder where the time went! 

So here I am, I blinked, and I suddenly have a 17 year old daughter. I've been married for 26 years to my high school sweetheart. My daughter, Anna, is a homeschooling Senior this year. We love spending time together as a family. I am a Church Secretary, and I love spending time with our youth at the church. I like to say that I felt the call to work with teenagers and to be a missionary. I did neither, except now I lead a mission team to WV typically once a year and volunteer with the youth a lot. At least I did until my Dad passed away from lung cancer in November 2020. My Mom then passed away in February 2022. Mom's cause of death is listed as covid, but it was really a broken heart mixed with heart problems, kidney problems, and a whole host of other issues. Since they have passed, I have struggled with finding who I am as an orphan. I can't even describe it any other way. I have extended family, but all of my immediate family is gone. I lost my brother when I was about 20 and now my parents...

I am finally getting to the point where I can breathe and feel somewhat normal in my own skin. I find joy in hanging out with my daughter. I find joy in spending time with my husband. I find joy watching birds enjoying our feeders and bird bath. I find joy in my God! This is one of my favorite verses and has been for a while. I love knowing that no matter what I am going through God is with me!

I am hoping this journal, if you will, will help me find myself and who I am today. Feel free to introduce yourself to me. Let me know if there is anything I can pray for you about. Thanks for joining me on this journey.

Christmas is in the air!!!

I can't believe it is Christmas! I love this time of year!!! The magic in the air, the excitement of the children, the joy of all the adults! I love the traditions that each family has and I love how those traditions change and grow with the family. I do miss some of our traditions from when Anna was tiny. My favorite use to be her feeding the tree! Such a simple task but such a joy for her. Now she just wants to water it cause it doesn't take as long lol.

I believe my favorite tradition that started for me 3 years ago. Is our elf Twinkle! He is so much fun for both me and Anna. He is a mischievous little guy doing all sorts of things around the house. My Mom and Dad would have had a blast with this if they had had them when I was little. If you don't have an elf on the shelf or have never heard of them check them out. Here are a few pictures of fun things you can do with them!!

Twinkle got bored and colored in Anna's coloring book. When we got home that afternoon he had finished the picture.
He created a zip line in our living room! Crazy elf lol.

He baked cookies when I went to pick Anna up. The oven was still warm when we got home.

He slipped into my purse the night before we were going to the tree farm to get our Christmas tree! He hung out with us all day!

He used makeup to leave a note on our bathroom mirror. He was reminding Anna to send Santa a letter.

He is so much fun. The joy on Anna's face every morning is worth the extra time and effort he takes. Not to mention it is fun for me to create so much mischief.

Other Christmas traditions I love and wait for all year include:

• 
  
  Going to the tree farm to find the perfect tree for our family! Anna and I have completely different taste in trees so this year it was more complicated lol. She likes trees that I call Charlie Brown trees simply because they are so small. I like the really big ones that would barely fit in our house lol. We compromised and got one that is probably close to 6 ft tall.


• 
  
  I love the nights of watching the old classic cartoons and also new classics like Polar Express. Oh and we can't forget adult movies like White Christmas! Throw in a little hot chocolate and Christmas tree all a glow and I am a happy girl lol.


• 
  
  Christmas gatherings both with friends and family are a lot of fun! Our Sunday School class does an ornament dirty Santa game! My family does the white elephant dirty Santa game. I like to steal presents just to add a little excitement lol.


• 
  
  Our church does a traditional service the weekend after Thanksgiving. It is the hanging of the green. It is a beautiful service that I truely love being a part of.


• 
  
  Singing all of the Christmas songs! Both the festive upbeat to the old hymns that have been around forever! My favorite secular song is Santa Baby and my favorite hymn is What Child is This! Music really is a huge part of Christmas for me!

I could really keep going with things I love to do at Christmas but I will stop at that. What is your favorite Christmas tradition?